My messed up life.
Like every life, both good and bad things have happened to me.
I grew up in a very stressful environment. The actual physical place was crowded and dank, and we were living amongst very hostile people. My brother and I grew up around violence and drugs.
But my parents loved us so much.
My father was emotionally abusive to everyone. To this day, it is impossible to communicate with him. He loves very little and hurts and destructs everyone in his path.
I had a very good childhood. Was very social, and very intelligent. I excelled in a few things and grew talent, individualism and passion. This therefore pushed me further away from my family and people in my school.
One night in the summer, my uncle played a game with my brother and I. He laid on top of me and kind of wriggled until he made my pyjamas wet. This escalated to 'teaching' me how to have sex, to forcing me to take my clothes off, making me touch him and him forcing himself on me.
This continued for years.
I started high school and loved every second of it. I turned in to the morbid, but sensible and loving person that I am today. I slowly developed a good group of really close friends.
I started to harm myself at age 12, and by 13 I was seeing a counsellor once a week. By 16, I was on Prozac, and have since been through 3 other psychotrophic drugs and finally settled on Zoloft. Now, I have been in therapy for 5 years. I still go 3 times a week.
The time I was in therapy was riddled with suicide attempts. My largest was 75 tablets chased by vodka. Then, there was hanging, ingesting poison, and bleeding.
Since the suicide attempts, my father has hated me so much.
At 17, I told the parents, psychiatrist & police that I had been abused. I lost someone very close to me as a result of this, as he could not handle it.
My mother was there for me every step of the way, and she still does anything she can to support me.
Needless to say, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. There, I rebelled. I tried to kill myself every day I was in there, and harmed myself twice a day. I ended up on the run from the police & hospital staff several times, and was eventually kicked out for disruptive behaviour.
This was 3 months ago.
Since then, I can look back & retrospectively my life was not such a big fuck up. I have been diagnosed with dysthmia, chronic atypical depression, depressive episodes, bipolar II, paranoid depression, borderline, OCD, panic disorder, anxiety disorder, separation anxiety, PTSD, dissociative identity disorder & suicidal & self injurous tendancies. There are so many disorders that they conflict and don't make sense when put together.
But I managed to get really good GCSE grades, good AS's, hopefully good A levels, accepted to a gifted academy, accepted to many universities, achieved grade 8 violin, work for a year and become a manager, and work with victims of crime.
And I'm not even 18.
I'm now in a long term relationship. I love the family I have left. I have wonderful friends.
And I have a future ahead of me.
Story shared: 10/02/2007 01:42:26
#88 View the comments about this story Childhood - now - abuse - suicide - meds
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