True life stories.

How can someone you love hurt you so much?

Im 27 and things are not gr8 in my life, infact they never really have been. I’ve struggled all my life with my relationship with my mother. Im generally a very happy outgoing person, she is an angry, aggressive and a very closed person . She has had problems in life which has amounted to her bringing me up in a very unemotional, unfunctional way, and I realise this which hurts. She says she loves me but she doesn’t like me or want to b there for me. It’s always been the same yet somehow I always give her a chance to come back in my life then she loses it in a horrid way and doesn’t speak to me for months. We have talked it through so many times, I have tried so hard for years but nothing changes. I don’t believe we will ever see eye to eye. This is now my problem, I can’t take anymore, I don’t like her anymore, I love her but she just hurts me too much. Im now thinking the only way forward in my life is to cut her out of it. I would really appreciate some advice/comments from people as I don’t know if what I want to do is right, am I going to hurt myself more by cutting her out? Is that pain going to b greater than the one im feeling now?

Story shared: 04/02/2007 22:51:15

#86 View the comments about this story Tags: parent - Pain - decision

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#1 by Sammy on 11/02/2007 10:56:35 (id-466).
Sounds to me like your mum can't make up her mind if she wants u in her life or not. Did she have a troubled relationship with her mum? Maybe something happened in her life to make her the way she is. Cutting her out of your life may make your mum feel rejected and may make her worse. Have you tried talking to her about why she's like this? Sorry I'm not much help but hope everything works out ok x

#2 by Megan on 18/02/2007 01:58:52 (id-486).
The one question you need to ask yourself currently is can you actually feel any worse about the current situation? This is your life and even though she hurts you, there will always be that place in your heart for her, but you must realise that she is dragging herself down and taking you with her. Cutting her out of your life completely may, if you're anything like me, make you feel guilty about the whole situation and therefore worse, but why not try distancing yourself. I know it's hard to do but at the same time you must move on with your life. Try to make it clear to her that through her own pain she is hurting you, and you want to be there for her (if you do) but you can only do this if she lets you, yet unfortunantly if she wont, if you want to move on with your life you must take action to make it your own and not let her bring you down. If you honestly feel you have tried to be there for her in every way but no results have come of it, it may be time to let go, as hard as it is, there are some things you just cant fix.

I dont know how this website works but I do hope everything works out for you. Take care. :)

#3 by Dee on 16/04/2007 12:15:06 (id-525).
You seem to be in an emotional turmoil which is totally understandable given your situation. Having experienced an almost identical up bringing and endured so much pain and anxiety about not seeming to do anything right what I feel I would like to say to you is; Try and identify with true inner self. I am sure you spend much of your time behaving in a way that will please your mother, you say that generally you are a happy outgoing person, do try and develop those characteristics and hold on to them, no matter what your mother has to say or do that might undermine you. Be true to yourself telling your mother that you love her however, you feel differently about certain things. You are you and she is who she is and that you love and care for her. The fact that you see things differently doesn't mean that you are against her or want to fight or argue. Ask her if she could see things in the way that you do and if she can't what is making her feel that way.

From what you say your mother had a difficult childhood and perhaps there was no-one for her.

I feel for you but think with the right determination and self-worth I am sure you will get there. Don't give up - you are worthy of so much more.

Good luck and take care xD

True life stories.

How can someone you love hurt you so much?

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