True life stories.

Help me please

I found this site by typing 'Help me please' into google.
I needed support from somewhere, but wasn't quite sure where. Alot of my family has suffered from symptons very much like that of manic depressives and i am afraid that i might be going that way myself. lonliness is a powerful emotion that can drive us to all sorts of things, and its been getting to me.
ever since i fell ill and almost died three years ago with meningacockle septicemia (a form of meningitus) things have got steadily worse. I was good at ballet at that time, but i caught meningitus and didn't eat for a long time so lost a huge amount of weight along with any muscle tone i had. the weight i gained after that came back as only fat so although i am not obese i am alot fatter then i would like to be and all my sport and dance has suffered. my mother soon had a baby after my recovery and had post natla depression, something that has only just been thrown off. that adds to her already bipola qualities. i know she loves my dearly and i love her also but in that first year it was hard when i didn't understand what was going on.
i go through stages of complete euphoria for no reason then i go through sudden fits when i can't stay still, i'll throw myself about, sob, scream and bite my lip untill it bleeds. occasionally i'll dig my fingernails into my shoulders, just to feel it hurt. i don't think this comes under 'self harm' since i only do this to remind myself i can feel something other than emotional hurt, that somethings are only skin deep; but i would like someone to talk to about it.
some of these swings, i think, come from one problem. i have loved someone for about three years now. ever since i met him i have hated and loved him at the same time, which sounds like rubbish but is the only way i can explain it. i have walked home everyday with a girl for a couple of years, and she too, had feelings for this guy. she started a relationship with him a few months ago and everyone seems to have forgotten that i ever felt anything at all. listening to her gush and him boast every single day about each other is slowly wearing me down and i've a constant headache. i cant smile unless i'm acting. i just need help, please can someone relate to me? thank you for taking the time to read this, it means such a lot. M xx

Story shared: 16/01/2007 20:05:32

#76 View the comments about this story Tags: Megan jenkins - love triangle - unreguited love - self harm - Help - manic depressive - lonliness - meningitus

Comments

#1 by lou lou on 17/01/2007 11:51:26 (id-444).
hey mate, first off can I just tell you how brave I think you are. My god if I was in your situation i don't know how id cope I honestly dont. You are definitely an inspiration. I suffer from depresison, where Ican be on a high one day and with the biggest ache in my heart the next but thats me. Can I just ask you to do this.. get rid of that girl you walk home with, tell her whats in your heart and don't be afraid to do it. You don't need that kind of pig headed ignornace. She obviously can't be that bothered about your needs so why should you have to put up with her?you don't.Or him, whats he got to boast about anyway? I beleive you're an exceptional person, you got this far and thats something to be proud of. Start your ballet again, you need some you time and thats the best way of overcoming anything,carrying on the way you were before all this happened.Even see somebody, not a doctor but a counsellor, you can explain everything to someone who will never judge you and they're there to help you. I did and I felt such release. I used to self harm after I thought I couldnt go on and I sought help and now I m so much better for it. Believe me things will get better. Just remember who you are and that there are people out here who care about you. Keep smiling my sweet and you'll soon see what I mean :-) take care xxx

#2 by Carol on 12/02/2008 18:54:14 (id-889).
I can't believe you've only had one comment back. Well, one year on now, hopefully you're better and don't check this site. My main recommendation is to turn to Jesus. I used to have an eating disorder and emotional pain which made me do this, perhaps similar to some of your lows. My family don't believe but I went to a talk about the evidence for the resurrection which got me interested and later I commited my life to him. I first found peace, and experienced his faithfulness to answer prayers and give me strength in various things in life. Then after a few years and some specific prayer ministry the oppressive feelings lifted -perhaps the best day of my life. I am now in my 30s, and feel so balanced and whole and am happily married. Another Christian lady said to me that in her expereince too the storms are in your teens and twenties but by your thirties you really know yourself and have had time to get sorted out. I wouldn't say you need to wait that long. But one way or another you need to get sorted and that is the only way I know that gives peace. You could try a general counsellor though a Christian one would be 100 x better in my opinion. And please don't dabble in any dodgy spiritual stuff - trust your soul only to the god of heaven and earth , not some strange spiritual forces.

True life stories.

Help me please

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