True life stories.

depression ruined my life!

it started from a very younge age, i was about 5 when my mum met a her boyfriend at first he was allways nice to my family but as i became 10 he soon turned. i got emotionally beaten down by him everyday. he used to say thinkgs like "your ugly and to thin" "you cant dance so why try" i ignored it because he made my mum happy! then i fell pregnant at 14 and he found out by over hearing a conversation me and my friend where having, when we went on holiday i was propering to tell my mum by this time i was 5 months but i just looked a little fat, he got really drunk at a bar and saw i was about to tell my mum he pull me away and took me back to the hotel. he beat me till i had a miscarge, which made me extremly ill but i couldnt tell her it was him that caused it. when we got back of holiday my mum took me to the hospitial and they told my mum i was having a miscarge but i still couldnt tell her, from then onwards everything went down hill...........

my sister used to beat me up and even put me in hospital a couple of times,
my mum started cheating and didnt take any interest in me or my siblings, i couldnt take living with that abuse anymore so i left and moved in with my boyfriend and his family.

but my mum still didnt seem to caree, my grades at school dropped and i started not sleeping. it was so hard to be happy around everyone allday. my boyfriend started to notice my personallity changing i wasnt talking as much and didnt want to have sex i just didnt have energy or motivation.

his mum did everything for me which made me feel loved again but me and my boyfriend started aguring so i moved into a youth hostel which was the lonelyest 4 months of my life.

by this time me and his mum were very close and i cared more for her then i did my real mum, i was then involed in a paedophile case and it tore her apart she started drinking herself to sleep me seeing someone i cared so much about like that and actually being involed in such a thing pushed me over the edge so i started to cut because the man didnt get sentdown for the horrible things he did too me! its the only thing i have control over and it is the best feeling in the world, but my boyfriend found my scars. it tore are relationship apart he tryed to force me to stop and promise him that i will never do it again but i just couldnt stop. he used to tell me things like "i wake up every morning worndering if your still alive" and used to call me sick in the head for doing such a thing to myself so i left him. 2 months later i saw him at a party which really upset me because i love him, so i toke 36 of my anti depressants and ended up in hospital even since then i cant stop cutting and overdosing, i cut atleast twice a day and have tryed over dosing 3 times.

theres not one day that goes by where i dont think "would anyone actually miss me"

all i can think about when writing this is how deep im going to go next time i cut!!

ive now been on anti depressants for 8 months and have talk theorpy once aweek but it doesnt really help and i dont know what else to do.

Story shared: 03/08/2010 03:29:43

#703 View the comments about this story Tags: depression - self harm - abuse

Comments

#1 by Unknown part 1 on 12/08/2010 02:25:50 (id-2736).
Aww, I doubt you will ever read this message and even if you do I doubt it will be of much interest. But for what it's worth, I would miss you and I don't even know you. I'm sure though that you are a lovely person. You just havn't received the love you desire yet. Councillors can only help of you let them but they aren't a simple cure same for the anti depressants, they are merely an artificial cure. They didn't work for me anyway, yes I did self harm, one day I just stopped.

#2 by Unknown part 1 on 12/08/2010 02:26:13 (id-2737).
Aww, I doubt you will ever read this message and even if you do I doubt it will be of much interest. But for what it's worth, I would miss you and I don't even know you. I'm sure though that you are a lovely person. You just havn't received the love you desire yet. Councillors can only help of you let them but they aren't a simple cure same for the anti depressants, they are merely an artificial cure. They didn't work for me anyway, yes I did self harm, one day I just stopped.

#3 by Unknown part 2 on 12/08/2010 02:28:01 (id-2738).
Stopped because this one person ment the world to me. That was three years ago and I havn't harmed since. That person now hates me but that's just my story. You have probably heard this many times before but no one can help you for good. You need to have some goals which you can aim for and take it to there one step at a time. For example if you want to climb some mountain then tell yourself that you can do it and you will.

#4 by Unknown part 3 on 12/08/2010 02:29:33 (id-2739).
You will have the power to get there and you won't let anything stop you. That's just my two pence I can't and wouldn't force you to take it but at least you know that someone cares =] Take care in life.

#5 by a reply on 27/08/2010 02:45:49 (id-2793).
councilors really doesn't help me, but i go because i know it makes my ex boyfriend happy to see me getting some help. with love comes some sort of pain. the only thing keeping me here is my dancing, i can esacpe to my own little world and express my emotion in movement even if it is only for a couple a minutes. This has really made me think aboutt thing's and too see the bigger picture. If a complete stranger can care then im sure others do too. Thank you

#6 by Fatty on 30/08/2010 00:27:55 (id-2797).
cutting is for people who arent strong? Knowing that all the people who hurt u r strong, tht only makes u weak..
do u wana feel or look weak? No? then stop harming yourself, go councelling, go college, or move far away and start a new life

#7 by Mark on 20/09/2010 23:59:34 (id-2850).
Don't listen to the above. Either way, you are weak. We all are. Only through numbers are we strong, so might as well gain that strength through counselling and friends. I should be dead right now, but I'm not. Cutting won't get you anywhere.

#8 by a on 26/09/2010 19:03:21 (id-2866).
u think ur depressed? think about people in Haiti, children with no food clothes shelter and clean water. cosider urself lucky u pathetic thing.

#9 by amy on 28/09/2010 02:27:11 (id-2869).
I need help ! Please ! I have just started university and its great howevether fact that I have noone to talk to has made me worse! I used to keep cutting to my stomach but nbow I'm doing it on my arms and ankles and deep on my wrosts again :( I have noone to talk to there all sso judgemental. I need help and I have noone to turn to ! I realy don't wamt to end up in a serioud situation again :( HELP PLEASE :( xxx

#10 by school girl. on 29/09/2010 17:16:51 (id-2873).
trust me,
i can't stop.

#11 by cant control it!! on 18/10/2010 19:23:57 (id-2919).
i have recently cut again, i used to do it a while back & in the end i told my mother about it because i knew people at school were goin to see the cuts & that 1 cut was really deep and has scared all down my arm. i did my 1st cut yesterday since then, and i dont know why i did it back then and i dont know why i do it now, theres just something that tells me to do it, i dont wana do it to kill myself it gets all the emotion out of me and i feel real for a few minutes! i cant stop though! why do i do it?

#12 by james on 22/10/2010 17:20:58 (id-2924).
To all the people calling her weak and pathetic; plz stop. It helps no1 and only highlights your own prejudice and insecurities, just because you don't understand something as truly complex as depression doesn't mean it can be dismissed, you have no right to judge.

#13 by kat on 03/11/2010 01:00:04 (id-2981).
i strted 2 slf harm after my hsbnd died i ws 20 and hd a son who ws 1.hd a really hard childhood,mum hd depression,hd 2 look after her add my other siblings,even wn my hsbnd died i cdnt griev properly cz of my mum.11 years later i hv trned my life around,hd 2 be strong 4 my boy and take care of us both.i make the most of life,take each day as it comes.dnt let any1 get me down,and i always keep smilling.if i can stop it so can any1 of u.i now its really hard cz iv been throu it.take care and gud luck

#14 by Unknown on 19/12/2010 02:20:03 (id-3147).
Sometime has passed since I last commented... I also see a lot of others have gien their advice. It would be nice to know how you're getting on in this world. Hopefuly for the better :) I must agree with James somewhat in that, although the idea of forcing someone to "get over it" does work sometimes, in this case I doubt it, however I don't come here to argue with those. I feel it fair for them to voice their own opinion, no?

#15 by Unknown on 19/12/2010 02:20:17 (id-3148).
Sometime has passed since I last commented... I also see a lot of others have gien their advice. It would be nice to know how you're getting on in this world. Hopefuly for the better :) I must agree with James somewhat in that, although the idea of forcing someone to "get over it" does work sometimes, in this case I doubt it, however I don't come here to argue with those. I feel it fair for them to voice their own opinion, no?

#16 by Unknown on 19/12/2010 02:21:58 (id-3149).
Anyway, I'm sorry that I haven't even learnt your name (who ever started this story) would you mind to enlighten me? Well a lot has happened to me since I last commented. I wright this in hope to give you hope that you CAN get through this. I'm now 3 and a half years clean. As I said before, councillers didn't help, they aren't a cure.

#17 by Unknown on 19/12/2010 02:23:12 (id-3150).
You have to find a reason to stop for yourself. For me, that person I always admired? Well we're together now and it must have been the best decision in my life. Maybe this could apply to you? Then again you might have other interests ^^ Reading back, I've realised that I have repeated myself quite a bit :P I guess it's to emphasise those points? >< I also hope that you find someone who can and does give you the love that everyone deserves.

#18 by Unknown on 19/12/2010 02:24:16 (id-3151).
Just having someone else in your life you know you can trust can change things completely. I also hope that you no longer wonder whether or not anyone would care if you died. I haven't forgotten about you, hence I came back interested in how you were getting on. Get back in touch whenever you find the time, I hope this message finds it's way to you like it did before ^^ From someone who cares =) oh and sorry for the double post :P

#19 by jessica on 14/03/2011 20:08:21 (id-3656).
it hasnt let me right on here for ages, i have found someone now, hes lovely and understands everything. instead of going to talk to someone i now dance an extra 3 hours a week and thats helped sooo muchh. my names jess :) i like looking at this because it shows how much ive changed in such a short space of time. thank you

#20 by Stefan on 27/03/2011 10:16:08 (id-3745).
It's only fair for me to reveal my name too :P Stefan :) I'm sooo happy that you've found someone and more importantly, found yourself ^^ I see you're starting to enjoy life and taking what it has to offer, it can be really great if you want it to be =] I agree that you've changed a lot in a shot space of time, but you shouldn't thank me, you did all the hard work. You made the effort, and that's why you managed to help yourself so well and quickly. Take care =]

True life stories.

depression ruined my life!

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