Lonliness
3 years’ ago i nearly lost my wife to cancer, she suffered numerous operations and nearly died twice during this time, Seeing my wife crying out in pain upset me very much, After one operation they brought her back form the operating theatre she was screaming in pain, She was in so much pain that she believed she was going to die, she told me to look after our babies, our 3 children, I had to leave the hospital to look after the kids. Fortunately for me she is well on the road to recovery, however now i suffer badly, i can’t stop being emotional bit funny things, good things, and sad things, it not getting any better at all, if anything its getting worse.
I have a stressful job which i love but no my state of mind is starting to affect the work side of my life,
I have no one to talk to and its getting worse.
I try to be strong for my wife and our 3 children but it’s proving harder and harder, there are times that i just want to walk away. I hardly drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs and used to have a massive amount of self confidence, now i starting to doubt myself which is not good,
One thing i have noticed is there is a massive amount of support for the actual patients of cancer, but hardly anything for there partners.
Maybe there is someone out there who has suffered the same as me, maybe it only me
Story shared: 24/12/2006 18:47:44
Comments
I also sometimes feel I want to walk away - and it makes me feel so guilty to even feel that but sometimes all I want is a 'normal' life where cancer doesn't exist and everything is back to the way it used to be before it came into our lives. My whole family depend on me to be strong but it does feel like it's waning at the moment and I just don't know how much longer I can carry on really.
I've also noticed the same thing - there is a large amount of support available to my Dad (which I'm so grateful for) but I just wish there was something there for me, even if it was just someone I could talk too and say all of these things too because I think bottling things up usually makes them worse. I visited my GP and explained I was having trouble coping - all he did was prescribe me anti-depressants and signed me off work for a month.
I would speak to your manager at work and explain the situation and briefly how it is affecting you and that you may need a little bit of help or support during this difficult time. Try to stick with work because it will help to have something to take your mind off of what's happening at home. My work have been fantastic in allowing me time off etc and having the job to go into has helped keep me sane.
Also try and make contact with your local Macmillan Nurses, they will be able to provide help and support for all of you during this very difficult time and might be able to offer you the support you desperately need. Don't hide things from your wife either, talking to her might be upsetting but it will make you both stronger. It also sounds a bit cheesy but self help books and positive thinking have been a massive support to us during the 8 years my Dad has been suffering with this, I truly believe that they have helped to keep him strong and prevented him and all of us from becoming depressed. Putting a positive spin on as much as you can, focussing on the good things in life as opposed to the bad etc...all helps with the state of mind. Don't be afraid to admit you're finding things difficult - it's not a weakness, you wouldn't be human if you weren't.
I hope your wife continues to get better and make a full recovery.
All the very best with it all and try to keep strong, things will get better :)
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