I Loved My P.E Teacher! And now I’m Emotionally Dead!
Well I’m going to start by saying I’m not a clever person, It’s strange because I have a very advanced vocabulary and yet struggle with simple things such as basic grammar. So you have been warned LOL. I can understand advances microelectronic circuits and even design my own, and yet the slightest noise distracts me. Sorry for the rant : )
So I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and latter became an atheist. Later in life I moved to a real bad area, and was beaten up a lot (sometimes with metal polls). It made me feel real bad, but I never stopped dreaming. I was always the one with the ideas. Like my friends would build a tree house, and the older kids would destroy it. So I decided to build an underground base. I basically dug a six foot square whole (about the size of the average grave) and covered the top with ply wood, I made a trap door and then I put soil and grass over the top as to camouflage it. Not a bad achievement for a 10 year old. They never found it till the day I moved! I and my small group of friends used it to bunk/skip school inside it (not a smart idea). My Friends, they were the type to steal beat and lie, but I knew they needed help. At around the age of twelve one of my friends wanted to find his mum. He knew where she lived. But the journey was long and scary (we was young LOL).I have recently estimated that we travelled around 14 – 16 miles to see her. When we got there we found out why she had left. Basically the Dad was an alcoholic that beat her, and one day she met a woman and ran off with her. Imagine that, Finding out that your mum is a lesbian.. poor guy. But she didn’t give a shit about him and that’s the way it is.
This is where the trouble starts LOL. So at around year 10 in secondary school I was doing terrible. I skipped most my classes and vandalized my classrooms. I saw a witness statement saying that I did most of the damage (which was not true) ; I immediately recognized the hand writing. It belong to a traitor friend of mine called Luke. I was kicked out for 20 days. When I got back I met my new P.E teacher, a pretty woman. I don’t know what it was but, I just connected with her. And over the course of two years. She helped regain my confidence and I got an A in P.E.
Luke on the other hand was doing shit, but being the sneaky b*****d he was, He got away with everything. Not long after I met my second P.E teacher. She helped teach the P.E course I was taking. She was beautiful. Dare I say it “Love at first sight” I even prayed about her (I was a God-fag at this time LOL). She had these big brown eyes. Every time I looked into them I felt my heart race. I was happy when I heard her voice, and even when I looked angry, I was secretly amorous being near her (if amorous is the right word).
So there I was, I pulled into the petrol/gas station, happy as can be. Thinking about the one I loved (bear in mind that, I was thinking about her 24/7 for about 2 years). I saw a car, her car. And who was inside the Car with her......
Luke was...
I went home and paced back and forward, I even cried. The idea, that a scumbag like that was f*****g the teacher, he was f*****g the teacher I loved, the woman I had even prayed about.
The next day at school, I saw her. She looked down. And I averted my eyes. Every time we see each other. We look different ways. One time she tried to talk to me. But I couldn’t handle it. I know, I should accept it! But it was just hard. I Left the school, retook my GCSE, and got A’s, and B’s.
About a year has passed since then ( the date today is the 22/12/09)
Luke had a baby with another girl, I think he is still with the teacher, but who the hell cares : ). He is heavely into drugs, he is 19 years old. the teacher is roughly about 28.
I’m a different person now. Something has happened to me. I don’t feel attracted to women anymore (or men).I had acne and its going. i feel different.Almost like my body is changing me. I have little or no emotion. Nothing fazes me anymore. I stood where my uncle died and I felt nothing.
My brother nearly drove his van into a river yesterday and I didn’t even flinch, I Nearly died! I pulled down the sun viser, and looked in the mirror, I was smiling. That’s right, the only time I feel happy is when I’m close to death. I love the rush i get from it.
All I want to do is race Rally cars now. and listen to angry music >: )
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal I just don’t care anymore!
e.g. a really attractive girl I work with said: “Hey are you going to say hello to me”
I didn’t even bother replying. In fact since I don’t care I have noticed, woman seem to flock to me. And I’m not talking about the ugly ones either. Really pretty ones!
It’s like they’re all interested in me. Like they can feel what happened LOL
If you live in the south east, you may walk past me! You may even walk past her, if you meet a teacher, with the most Stunning brown eyes.....
Well who knows
I don’t need to remember now.................
And Louise, if by some miracle you are reading this. I just want you to know. I don’t care anymore; you can do what you like, with who you like. Just stay the hell away from me, because I’m bored of this dream!
Story shared: 22/12/2009 00:52:00
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Comments
Dont give up; dont dwell on it, the world is full of bad people and people that make mistakes..... if you dwell on this it will eat you from the inside out. I know because I can see parallels in how you feel in me.
And next time say hello back to that pretty girl.. or any friendly face.
CGR
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