sex is killing me
this is the first time i admit this even to myself
i'm a sex freak , for as long as i could remmember , sex used to fasinate
when i was only five years old i masterbated for the first time , i was in the bathroom and i remmember placing the shower over my pussy as the water was runing and i came , the feeling was amazing i didn't even noe about sex at that age , but i remember feeling so relaxed and satisfied
at that time i made a mistake , i used my three years old cousin and started french kissing her , then i kind of stoped because i felt ashamed and dirty , and i just didn't understand what i was doing
then when i was about ten years old , i watched porn for the first time , i started waking up every night at 3 pm when everyone fell asleep to watch porn . first it was once a week and soon i was watching it everyday
i loved the way they moved , the way they touched each other , the sound the girls made , the curve of thir bodies , i was never such a big fan of the men though , i loved that little tikle i felt when watching such things , i felt so alive
now back then i was young and what i felt and lived alone at 3pm ended in the morning
i became addicted to porn for about a year , i had to masterbate and watch it everynight
then for a reason i can't remmember i stoped for the next four years , i rarly touched myself
then i fell inlove and the guy didn't love me back but i was head over heals inlove with him , he was in my school , he used to set next to me and put his hands on my thighs and make me horny
even after that i didn't collapse , but slightly after that my uncle melested me , he touched me and graped my bobs and tried to kiss me , of course i didn't let , i mean he's my uncle i was scared to death , but as he did those things i couldn't help but notice how much my body craved that touch
after that i never spoke to my uncle again
i turned sixteen and my body grew and it turned out to be a prety sexy one , thank God, and guys started noticing me , and trying to get to me , for a while i didn't care abt the sex , and i refused to give it up to a guy
but then another guy laid his hands on my thighs and at that moment i craked , i opened my legs , opened my zipper , and smiled at him .
i'm live in a very religious country and a strict society and i can't get married if i'm not a virgin , anyway one guy lead to the other , and after every mistake i would try to redem and i would hate myself and feel unberable regret
then a guy gets me horny and i get wet and all of a sudden all else fades away ,
now i'm seventeen and my latest achievments is fuking two best friends not at once though , they make me feel like a complete slut and like if i don't deserve anyone's respect
i don't now what to do , i'm a very pretty ,nice , and funny girl . peaple always fall inlove with me , but as soon as they all that about me , it's like they stop seeing me and all they see is a giant pussy walking through , i guess that's the way i look at myself too .
the problem is that sex is all i think about , i cut myself on a daily basis because i feel so dirty all the time and so pointless , i now i have a problem when comes to sex
i really want to stop , i hate the person i've become
a guy feel so much in love with me he said he is ready to overcome everything i've done he even screamed that he loves me from the top of a mountain , litarly
and still i couldn't say yes , because i now i don't deserve him , i told him that , i now that i will cheet on him , not to mention that i have already fuked those two guys fromhis class and in our country it's almost a crime and a shame that never goes away if a girl fuks around or even just fuks her boyfriend
i now i'm heading towards a huge crash if i keep doing this , what should i do , is there some kind of a disease that would justify what i go through
i want my life back , i don't want to be the bitch anymore , cz it seems that that's all i am now , there's nothing left in me
Story shared: 21/11/2009 17:32:25
Comments
nobody cares that youre not a virgin.
Ther is nothing wrong with having sex
Ahem, I think that you should just... be someone else. Wear clothes like so: Long skirts, little/no make-up. If a guy makes you feel horny, tell him you need to leave. Then leave. Whatever anyone says or does, just leave. Just LEAVE.
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