True life stories.

landslide

Four days ago my partner of 20 and husband for 15 years told me in a gentle manner that he wants a divorce ! For many years we have shared every day together - working side by side in our business and renovating homes as a joint hobbie in our free time. With two well adjusted children I thought life was normal. I know that marriages have ups and downs but a common love would throughout any problems stresses and pressures.

His reasoning is that he has changed and still loves me however his "inner core" is not happy. He is aware of the devastation he is causing and the great loss he will suffer from his action, but he feels he must do this rather than look back in thirty years and regret he did nothing.

He accepts my comments that he is highly unlikely to meet another partner who will be able to : support him in business
: have common interests and goals
: understand his depth of love for his children
: be happy with him working over 16 hrs every day !
and that he may end up like his father a sad and lonely man. He said that is possible BUT he at least he may be happy in his "core" being.

Why and how can a person do this to people that he claims he still loves ? Do people change ? Can a person live happily for 20 years if they do not love their partners ?

The emptiness I feel and the longing for his arms to comfort me, will I know not subside with the answers to these questions. But I need to know them to try to heal !

Story shared: 12/07/2009 22:07:56

#519 View the comments about this story Tags: heartbreak

Comments

#1 by fsd on 19/07/2009 22:32:28 (id-1756).
sdf

#2 by Carmen on 19/07/2009 22:34:59 (id-1757).
Hello,some people lose their partners through death, and some in life. Now

#3 by carmen on 19/07/2009 22:35:32 (id-1758).
choose which one is easier to cope with. I really understand your shock and

#4 by carmen on 19/07/2009 22:36:04 (id-1759).
disbelief when your husband told you he wanted a divorce. It goes without

#5 by carmen on 19/07/2009 22:36:32 (id-1760).
saying that this must be a shock for you and you probably didn't see this coming. One option is to ask your husband for an appointment with Relate.

#6 by carmen on 19/07/2009 22:36:58 (id-1761).
They can help you solve the issues you have and maybe bring you back together. Or, if your husband has no intention of getting back together, you could tell him that they may help to split up more smoothly. I don't think he

#7 by carmen on 19/07/2009 22:37:15 (id-1762).
will be happy leaving you behing sad. But also, do you think you have given your whole life for him and for the business and that he owes you something? And that he can't just go, sneak off and not pay you back for what you have given him in time and youth and energy and so on.
Anyway, you need friends now, don't try and go through this hard time alone. Hope you will go through this with inner strength.

#8 by carmen on 19/07/2009 22:37:53 (id-1763).
sorry, had problems writing the whole text in one message, don't know why.

#9 by glouceslady on 08/08/2009 02:18:21 (id-1790).
Hi there, I am the lady who wrote the other story about my husband dumping me after 10 years and you replied to it. I must say I totally understand fully how you feel, I am going through hell myself at the moment, and its hard knowing that these men will never be holding us and reassuring us again, we shared our lives with them, they know everything about us, our hopes, our dreams and they find it so easy to walk away when our worlds are torn apart. I am here if you need support, I really feel your pain..

#10 by wish I was there! on 08/08/2009 04:06:55 (id-1791).
I too am going through heartbreak at the moment and am in position where my partner has said she loves me but we want different things. This was news to me. I may be wrong but the way you describe what your husband has said smacks to me of the typical 'mid-life crisis' I say this without knowing how old you both are, but they don't just happen in mid-life!! However, the question I have come realise isn't so much 'what is going on in their mind?' ,but instead 'how do I cope?' You can tie yourself up in knots and still be nowhere further forward by wondering what they are thinking, this is so out of character that it's difficult, ney, impossible to tell. So what are you left with? Well you are left with everything apart from that person right now, so you need to concentrate on how you will deal with this. The answer to that also depends on personnal circumstance e.g. are you still in regular conttact etc. If you are then is it possible to have less/no contact at least for a while. Whilst the thought of this can be unbearable you will find with time and the help of family and friends the heartache lessens and you can start to get on with things, albeit with that other person always in ind. Believe me that fades somewhat too. I am assured in time it becomes so faded that it no longer troubles you, but i'm certainly not there yet. In the meantime take time for yourself, try to spend time with friends and doing things you ussed to enjoy alone, if you can remember them, it took me a while to remember but i'm getting there and alot sooner than I thought. I know you need him now sweet heart, but that too will fade even if you don't want it to right now and you want to hold onto the pain because you feel that is all you have. Show him that you can live without him and are prepared to carry on. I wouldn't advise jumping into bed with others as a way of feeling better cos that certainly doesn't work. You need to discover yourself. You're never alone. I would wish you luck, but I know you will be ok... Take care...

#11 by bbygirl_08 on 08/08/2009 06:50:54 (id-1794).
im so sorry to hear that... i can relate to that. i was married when i was 18 and been with the guy for 10 long years and end up everything in an annulment. but that made me stronger, and made me realize that i missed a lot.

#12 by yorkie on 13/08/2009 21:41:08 (id-1804).
I'm the lady who wrote this story and I'd like to say to no 10 reply Thank god you have restored my faith in men - that there are some men with feelings and in touch with emotion.

#13 by Buy oem Software on 11/02/2012 23:10:32 (id-5877).
FZnfM5 Thanks:) Cool topic, write more often! You manage with it perfctly:DD

#14 by Buy Cheap OEM Software on 08/03/2012 09:13:27 (id-7630).
GL9YBl Thanks-a-mundo for the blog post. Keep writing.

True life stories.

landslide

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