I cant cope.
I guess ive had a pritty bad childhood. My father only use to see us 2 weeks a year with him working abroad. It was hard not having a dad there to help you grow up. So it was hard for my mum to bring 3 children up. James who's 2 years older than me, and Amelia who's 1 year younger than me. So my dad cheated on my mom, and he never knew that we all knew. We watched everything that happend, we seen my mom hit him, and we seen him cry, we seen it all. After my dad left, we had to put up with my mom getting drunk eveynight and crying, we had to carry her to bed everynight absaloutly mortelled. My mom and dad tried to work things out so we went over to singapore. Then again he was caught cheating, and my mom was furious, she smashed his laptop up, chucked his phones down the toilet and chuced all his clothes over the balcony into the pool. It was awful. Months went on and they finally divorced.
School wasnt good as my grades were dropping and i was interacting with people very good. I was literally a wreck. Years passed and i was sexually abused by my now dead step grandad. It really hurt me and to know that no-one knew except me and my mom. My mom was planning on telling my nan but when she was about to get in the car to go tell her, she got a phonecall that he had passed away. I was quite relieved that he had died.
Years passed and again things were getting worst. Not only suffering from a family break down, and being sexually abused. My nana, nd 2 uncles passed away, and i were really close to them.
The first time i self-harmed was in 7th grade, i was 11. I scratched my leg to pieces. Id never cut since last year. When i had a bestfriend who told me she had cancer, she was going through alot and so was i. I was cutting myself and i tried to commit suicide by wrapping wire round my neck. I was saved just before i passed out. I told my mom and she claimed i was 'attention seeking', she got me councelling but that didnt work so i stopped it. and she still claimed i was attention seeking. I ended me and my bestfriends friendship, and things picked up. But then i wudnt talk bout my problems and i just boxed them all up. Until a month ago, the sexually abuse became a big effect on me, i started seeing him like i would see someone in real life, i would hear him , i got flashbacks and i couldnt sleep properly. I cudnt understand why it come on so strong. I am 15 now. So cause of being accused of attention seeking i refused help and to talk. I cudnt talk to enyone because id feel people thought i was attention seeking. I lacked in low self-confidence and self esteem. Id remember walking down morrisons and thinking everyone was looking at me and judging me. I also cudnt do enything on my own i would get extremely anxious and id hyperventalate casue id get scared and worried. Then school got worst and the girl i was hanging around with would call me names and think it was just 'for a laugh', they all would just laugh, and if id fell out with her, she'd turn all my friends against me, so im sort of stuck in this vicious circle. I self harm almost nearly everyday, ive being admited to hospital twice due to slitting my wrists. ive needed stitches twice, ive being to hospital over 5 times this month. I was feeling really suicidal and id find my self looking for ways to kill myself. I went to see a phyciatrist and a doctor and they noticed that councelling and broadway project would only help over time, so they put me on medicaation (fluxeotine - prozac). And since i cut in school i wasnt aloud back but im going for a meeting to hopefully be let back in school. But things just keep gering worst and worst and everyday im just thinknig i cant cope, but with help hopefully i will get my happiness back, and get over the tramuatic events that happend in the past.
Story shared: 22/06/2009 18:19:04
#498 View the comments about this story cant cope hurt self harm suicide abuse young medication lonely depressed
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