replaced
this might sound pathetic or needy to some people but i broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and we had been going out for 2weeks short of a year. i really miss him sometimes and just want to call him but i imagine him to be the person who loved me and made me feel better when i was upset but hes changed and i know that he doesnt care how i am anymore. he started being overy friendly with this other girl called tash who was one of my best friends. when wed all go out him and tash seemed to drift together and became horribly inseperable. likke how me and him used to be. but i kept tryna make the old patrick who loved me come back and he kept saying he did but one day i read his texts. and its not wrong of me to because we always read eachothers texts so its ok. in thetexts he put lots of kisses and hearts and love yous and said things he used to say to me. and we were still going out. so i arranged a day where i would dump him and comfront him and get the answers i needed. but i ended up crying and so he thinks he dumped me and some of the texts from him to her were saying he was tired of me. but if he was why did he carry on doing things with me? i feel really used and lonely now because iod always trusted in him and now i have no one to tell im hurting and how sad i am. this girl also seems to be copying me. trying to replace me. she does the things i do and the things that made me unique she does now. i feel replaced and like i dont have a place anymore. ive had lots of thoughts of just runing into the road and dying and to be hinest id rather be dead. i hate feeling so unhappy and so alone. its like i dont exist anymore and i want it to end. i know i shoudlnt feel like this because i have a dad and mum but my mum doesnt live with us and i never see her so when i cry shes not there to help me stop and make me better. no one lese is there either. i hate tash and pat and i wish they would just die! if they werent here i coudl be hapy again. i hate them! and i really want revenge but im not a horrible person. i just want them to know what theyve done. even though i know he doesnt love me anymore i still miss him and i just need somebody to help me and to look after me and to have those long hugs with and to feel special to. im scared of how sad i feel and i keep wanting to hurt myself somehow because i used to scratch myself and it helped. but i want to stop being alone and im also scared ill become one of the girls who go out with loads of guys who just see them as easy because all they want is to not be alone. no one canhelp me and i know my friends love me but i need someone who im special to and who goes to sleep ddreaming about me and thinks abot me constantly and every now and again just curls up and smiles because they see theyre loved and are in love. i want to be happy again. after we broke up ive heard things that make me glad im finally not involved wth him. hes clumsy and he chases tash as if hes a pervert just waiting for her to dump her boyfriend, sam. sams really nice and doesnt deserve this. it really upset him but he loves tash so cant do anything. hell end u feeling like this too. and i dont think he should. but i cant help him because he has his own mind and no one ever really fully explains themselves because thir scared theyll be judged. next time if i choose someone to maybe love ill be better. i wont take lame excuses and if they upset me and then it doesnt change and he doesnt make me feel better then ill end it before i feel i need them. i say that now but who knows whatll really hapen. im sorry.
Story shared: 27/11/2006 18:47:24
#45 View the comments about this story lonely - replaced - scared
Comments
Thank you for coming on here and sory it has taken me ages to send you a message.
I am pleased that you already have received some support and hope that you will continue to.
With very best wishes and lots of luck
CJ
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