Someone to hear me
I'm not really sure how explain what I feel. All I know is that I need somebody to talk to. I feel so ashamed for feeling down all the time because I'm so lucky. I have two wonderful parents, I have a few great friends and I live very comfortably. But why do I feel so lost?
I have low self esteem, lack of confidence, feel unable to do anything. People dont really seem to notice I'm there. I suffer from a weight issue which I'm trying to deal with but it never seems to last. I've left school with barely any qualifications, and my chance to make a career for myself as a nurse has been flung out the window.
All my life I've been let down by people. People calling me ugly in the street in broad daylight. I dont think anybody knows the pain of that until it has happened to them. I mean it used to happen to my friends at school but that was kids. This is me, 19 and being called ugly and fat by complete strangers. Thats why my friends dont really understand.
I feel dead, I feel life has slipped away from me and every opportunity I get to make it right it flops down again. I've had to leave my nursing course due to being bullied and messed around by my so called nursing friends and now I'm finding it hard to hold down a job at HMV sticking stickers on goods. I have always ran away from things that got too hard, sometimes I've had to for the good of my health. I dont want to run away from this job but I hate it. I hate being in the background whilst everyone has a good laugh and having to ask questions to simple things that make me feel like an idiot. I know if only I can fit in more at work I'd love it.
I'm tired of being alone. All my friends have someone there and I'm the only one that doesn't. I'm not looking for a relationship, just to be feeling more noticed. I did have someone, but he dumped me around christmas last year and I've never heeled from that pain.
I want a future, I want to feel alive and I want to be somebody but I can't see where I'm going. I know I'm a happy person and thats why I feel terrible for feeling like this. My friends dont know how unhappy I feel because I try not to let it show, and yet when I'm with my friends I am very happy and forget all my troubles.
I just feel constantly dissapointed. I suppose I'm beginning to learn that life is hard, and it sucks.
I'm sorry for rambling on but I really really need someone to hear me.
Story shared: 27/11/2006 00:12:55
#44 View the comments about this story alone - scared - dissapointed
Comments
Thank you for finding the site and thank you for your entry. For what it is worth I hear you.
I am sorry that you feel the way that you do, and I sincerely hope that your life improves and 2007 is your year. You are only 19 and although I am sure that life sometimes seems hopeless, it really is only starting for you. If you really want to be a nurse then go and speak to someone to see how you could do it. I believe that there is learndirect or some things similar and they might steer you in the right direction, maybe..
Take care, best wishes and love and luck, CJ xx
For your lonelyness, I can't really help you. Think about all the things you ever wanted to do, and do one, however stupid. Don't be afraid of people,the ones that loke you like you, the ones that don't don't. That doesn't make any difference.
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