True life stories.

Years of suffering

I have this inability to let go of the past. For most of my life I have always succeeded at whatever I set my mind to. I have two degrees, 16 years of teaching experience (a former Head of Department) and a homeowner. However in the last 3 years I have managed to commit career suicide, lose all my savings and have my girlfriend cheat on me. I feel my world is falling apart and have lost all my confidence, self-esteem and the meaning of life. Im so desperate I have written this just to let someone hear me. This is not a story as such, than a desperate attempt to communicate with someone who has had a similar experience. I miss everything about my past life including my girlfriend. I feel Im losing my mind at times. I have nothing to show for all my efforts. I have gone from a source of inspiration to those who know me. to someone who despises waking up as I often wish I could die in my sleep or even kill myself. I recognise I may be depressed, but I can't justify having had so much and losing it all. As it stands I may even lose my home. Just suffering loss after loss. Is there anyone who has had such an experience?

Story shared: 26/08/2006 23:57:34

#4 View the comments about this story Tags: Help

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#1 by Christopher John on 30/08/2006 19:35:51 (id-10).
Although I have not had a similar experience I can 'hear' you and thank you very much for coming on to this site and sharing your feelings. I know that your story is read and hope there are other people who will be able to either help you or emathise with you, as i am sure that you are not alone in your feelings. Best of luck and kindest regards, CJ

#2 by Mat on 10/09/2006 10:34:15 (id-21).
I havnt had a smilar experience as to yourself but i also can't let go of the past, or more accuratley, my girlfriends past.
i just cant stop thinking about the fact that im not the only person she has slept with and it really hurts sometimes and it gets me really depressed.
i just dont know how to let go of her past. i love my girlfriend very much but i just cant get these thoughts out of my head.

#3 by Blue on 10/09/2006 16:04:35 (id-25).
Isn't it odd how bad things always seem to happen in succession, with everything always being fine and then suddenly, bam, all of it disappears in the space of a couple of years.

We are human, we can't help but look for patterns and make logical judgements. Sometimes it looks like all of life's shit is our fault. But the world we live in is illogical, random, things are determined by a million tiny influences, nothing is ever one person's doing. What I'm trying to say is, you haven't 'lost' all of this - it's simply been taken away from you by uncontrollable twists of fate that, no matter how they look, are out of your hands. Blaming yourself for the way things have turned out is unjustified.

In hard times, especially when people to lean on are scarce, you need to be kind to yourself. Losses hit hard, but we don't need things, you can recover and you will be the better, stronger man for it. You are being given a tough lesson in rolling with life's punches - you could stand where you are, taking them all straight in the face until you go down, but somehow I get the feeling you aren't that kind of guy.

Good luck :)
x

#4 by Lizzie on 19/09/2006 14:29:56 (id-34).
Life changes for all of us. Sometimes things are beyond our control, sometimes not. If your girlfriend cheated on you then that was her choice not your fault - you do need to let that one go. As for your career and home you have set your mind to achieving those things in the past and suceeded so you can do it again. You need a fresh plan and to put your energy into moving forward instead of using it to look back - learn the lessons and then move on. You can do it - start planning!

True life stories.

Years of suffering

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