No strengh to carry on
I feel I am coming to the end of my strengh after a long financial struggle to try and keep my home. Rising debts that have overwhelmed me have meant I have just had to sell my house to investors at well below market price in order to clear the mortgage and debts, and I then will not have much left.
The story of how I arrived at this point (at the age of nearly 60) is a long one, so suffice it to say that it has been the last 3 years that have done the most damage, in which I Iost my job and then was badly injured in road accident. I have perservered through it all, borrowing more money to buy time in the hope that I would find another job and turn things around, but at my age and with an ongoing back problem due to the accident it has not happened and at the age of 60 I will soon be homeless.
Friends have deserted me one by one as my troubles increased which has made me very bitter. I have always been a resourceful person and a survivor up till now. I was a single mum for 15 years after my divorce in which I worked and provided a home for my son without any help from his father, and have faced a lot of challenges in my life and I find it difficult to understand why I have come down to this.
The people that have not turned their back on me, I avoid anyway now as I am too embarressed to face them, and I feel very isolated and feel I am facing this all alone, and feel I have no future now.
My son does come and see me although he lives some distance away, but there is nothing much he can do for me in the way of financial help, and I think he must be now be very ashamed of me.
I hardly sleep which is wearing me down and sometimes think that I would be better off out of it. I am very bitter about the accident, I was hit crossing a road and sustained multiple injuries, and although I was very grateful at the time that I did survive it, and thought I would make make a full recovery, the ongoing back problem that I now have has been a big contributing factor in the way things have turned out, and that makes me very bitter.
Don't know what lies ahead for me now, and not having any control now over my life fills me with fear.
I've always been a good freind to everyone in my life, even strangers, supportive and there to help anyone with their problems, and it hurts that there is no one there for me now. No one really cares what happens to me and I feel we live now in a very selfish society.
The only bit of pride I have left is that when it mattered I was able to be a good mum to my son giving him the security every child needs. He has grown into a nice young man with a good job and a partner, and I know if there was anything he could do to save my home he would, but he has his own responsibilies and I try not to make him feel guilty in any way.
I try not to beat myself up about it, as in my heart I don't beleive it is mostly my fault. What is destroying me is the fact that I have faced so many problems in my life which I have always been able to come through, and always been able to find an answer to, and I find it difficult now to accept that this problem, which is probably the worst thing I have had to face,
I can do nothing about, and that makes me feel inadequate.
I have read all the stories on this site, and I know there are people out there who in some ways are worse off them me, particularly people with serious illnesses, and I try hard to bear that it mind and think of them. I do at least thankfully still have good general health apart from my ongoing back problem, and I know I should be grateful for that.
Thank you to anyone who reads this and spares me a kind thought, I'm sure your thoughts will reach me. I'm a great believer in the power of collective prayer, and I send everyone else here who has problems at this time, my good wishes and God Bless!
FW
Story shared: 31/10/2006 06:21:27
Comments
Keep strong, even if you are homeless you will still have to have a place to stay, so speak to your local council or homeless centre, also don't worry about people I have realised that now, worry about yourself put yourself first for a change, even if you cant buy yourself something put some music to make you forget, life is only as bad as you make it out to be and people are not that important you are, my family turned their backs on me when I was diagnosed with cancer but I dont care about them anymore, one day they will remember what they did to me. Try to look on the bright side, if you get up everyday and you have your health you have the best richness in the world plus your son.
Wow, thank you so much for your story.
As you have said and I agree we do unfortunately, on face value, live in a very selfish society however this site has proved that we also live in a very caring society.
I hope you receive the comments and support from others that you should have.
Sending you love and luck, Chris x
I am in a similar situation to yourself at 51 years of age,only my son is a heroin addict.
One night feeling very low I typed into my pc the words Please help me and I came across this site which I think is brilliant I also came across a prayer, I beleave this prayer is working for me and I would like to share it with you if I can.... Dear Lord I surrender! I have spent years of my life struggling in vain, today I stand before you with nothing but the shirt on my back and a mountain of dept. Lord, please show me the way, please show me what you want me to do with my life, use me as a tool to help others and show me how to lead a productive and meaningful life, Dear Lord at this time I turn my life over to you Amen.
I hope this helps
God bless.
Its been a few weeks since u posted. I hope things are looking brighter for u. You should not feel ashamed about anything, you have done brilliantly regarding your son. Now its time to look after yourself. You sound as though u have worked hard all your life and probably paid a bundle in taxes. Sort yourself out with any benefits due to u and make sure you get the council to rehouse u where u want to live. Dont be ashamed about any of this you have earned it.
Your in my thoughts
Take care
Tango
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