Not everybody hurts, just the ones who don't deserve it.
What the fuck is up with love?
Sorry for the crude language, but I'm a bit fed up. I've fallen heavily for someone, the first time in my 15 years of existence. It's utterly unrequited, of course. I used to be friends with them, we got on quite well, and we were heading to be good friends, until these feelings come along and ruin any chance of that. I can't speak to them anymore 'cause I'm scared I'll say something I don't want to. I'm afraid to tell them because I fear rejection, and I'm ashamed of who I am and what I feel, and I really don't want to cause them any hurt.
So here I am, alone, watching my first, and probably only, love slowly slip away. If I fall for another person as heavily as this one I'll probably commit suicide, because I can't suffer the hurt again. It won't happen, I hope, for quite a few years, my heart is certainly too shattered to, and too fixed upon this one person to start looking.
I believe I'm a good guy, in my optimistic moments. My friends tell me I'm a good person. But then all this rubbish happens, and it makes me think maybe I do deserve it, but anyway, I feel I'm a nice guy, I'm not mean to anyone, and then I walk past a couple, and the male of the couple starts mocking me for being dressed in my private school uniform, and I start thinking, why does he deserve to be with someone, why does he deserve to wake up to someone and cuddle them as the sun rises, when i wake up next to a discarded pillow.
It doesn't make any sense. Either nice guys are meant to suffer and hurt, and watch those they want to love just slip away and those people who bully and tease and mock for childish reasons are meant to get those who they love and wake up in the arms of their beloved, or...I don't know what.
I really just don't know. If anyone out there does, some help would be appreciated, otherwise, thanks for reading, and good luck with your love life and life in general, whoever you are.
Story shared: 20/06/2008 19:57:35
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Comments
First off you are far to intellegent to be commiting suicide.
Second you are only 15 there's no way in hell this is the last person you will have feelings for. Life is definetly not as bad as it seems right now. Trust me I know that that little saying only pisses you off but it's true. I'm three years older than you, i've had my heart shattered too. I don't look back on that experience as somthing I was melodramatic about. Now I look back and think about all the lessons I learned. Also when you are older your school mates will be too. By that time everyone will have matured,will be graduating and getting into universities or starting they're careers. Bullying will be a thing of the past. I'm just trying to let you know the sky is not going to fall in and the world will not be black and white. Also there are people who have been hurt so much worse than you probably have. Little kids being abandoned by they're parents or people who don't have one person in the world that loves them. You have friends. Someone right now needs a real life voice to talk to just someone that could comfort them and they have no one to call.
Be thankful for what you have....even if it doesn't seem like alot because someone somewhere has it worse.
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