In Vain.
Hi.
I've hardly been on this site for very long, and I've only been on this earth for 15 years, but I'm going to be brave because I'm hiding behind a computer screen and make a statement that is probably incorrect and just the result of my own spite.
The statement is that being alone and having no one caring about you, in romantic terms, does not cause the most hurt. Being alone and having no one caring about you but caring beyond belief about another and not having that returned causes the most hurt. I guess that extended sentence could be shortened down to one phrase: unrequited love.
Seeing a couple holding hands or kissing in the street can cause hurt, yes, but once you imagine it's you and that one person, it becomes oh so much worse.
I've never held someones hand, I've never really hugged someone, I've never kissed someone. The hope was always there that I might until a few months ago. When I fell in love with this one person, I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would never love anyone as much, and possibly never love again. Because if I fell for someone this much again, I'd have to take my own life.
The fact is, boys and girls, life fucking sucks for some of us. Some of us are born to suffer. We can blame ourselves, and hate ourselves, and we certainly do, and maybe that is where the blame needs to be placed. But I'm more inclined to place it in the hands of fate, luck, God, destiny, some crooked palm of some fabricated name for a force that we can't control. There must be a reason for all the negative coincedences that certainly plague my life, and I'm sure plague those who feel the same. My point being that, if I fall in love with someone, it's certain they will not fall in love with me.
So as to refrain from cliche, I'm not going to describe how this person makes me feel, but anyone who has felt love will know. Except from it's not bliss, it's hot frustration, it's self-loathing of a new kind, it's not cuddles and kisses, it's self-harm and tears.
There, rant over. I'm not sure why I did that, but it just came into my head and I thought I'd get it out. If anyone actually really wants to know the specifics of my love story, then please ask in the comments below. Otherwise, please, respond to my points, and I thank you alot for taking time to read.
Thank you.
Story shared: 20/06/2008 19:38:43
#314 View the comments about this story Unrequited love Loneliness Loving in Vain
Comments
Don't start patronising me, or judging me. Everyone has different limits, but generally adults can handle problems better because they're older and more experienced and wise. But when something adult like love or depression strikes a teenager or someone younger, they find it hard to handle.
(Sorry for using depression and love as a pawn in an arguement, no offence intended.)
So, simon, your comment was a bit disrespectful.
What does that phrase 'get a life' mean anyway? Because, you know what, I'd actually love to have a life, I'd love to wake up and feel that this is what living is meant to be, so if you mean it like that, thanks.
How do you know I haven't experienced real problems? Just because I haven't typed them into a story on this site doesn't mean I don't have them.
Wouldn't you feel a little silly if I actually did have serious problems, I actually had suffered what you would call 'serious', 'real' problems?
Or do I have to be over the age of 18 to experience real problems?
Do I have to own a house, a car and have a job to experience real problems?
This site, I believe, is for any story that involves some form of pain or suffering, for people to vent, for people to come and rant about whats bottled up inside so maybe someone can come along and help them.
Out of interest, how old are you? I'd like to know for sure when I can actually start feeling hurt and having real problems, thanks.
It's not about age, it's about the person and the character inside them. Maybe a person sees their family killed in a war at a very young age, say 12. Do they suffer? Do they become depressed? Do they feel pain?
An even more simple example. When a 7 year old sees thier pet cat or dog die, and they cry and cry, do they not suffer? Do they not feel pain?
Pain and suffering doesn't come with age, and the severity of it does not increase in paralel with age, either. Humans are all different, we all have different capacities, and so your claim that people are too young to feel pain and suffer and depression is a little invalid.
Being a teenager is possibly a time when suffering and depression hits at its worse, because we don't really know who we are, we're still discovering and defining.
Don't you think I'd rather be happy, I'd rather smile, I'd rather enjoy what I'm doing, I'd rather wake up and go 'Hey hey hey, it's a brand new day' instead of sighing and feelings like shit.
Oh, and by the way, it's mainly self-loathing, self pity is just so i can stop hating myself. It helps.
I don't have people like myself to blame. I have people like you to. Rude, indecent, incosiderate, ignorant people like you who think they have the right to tell people what is wrong and right and what to do with their life.
I'm not saying that you've not been through hard times, I'm sure you have, but do I start slagging you off about it? Do I start telling you to get a grip, get a life? Maybe because you have. But, is going onto a site like this, and posting damn right ignorant and rude comments what your life consists of?
Don't judge people.
This speaks to me more than anything else. I am going throught the same thing,this is your story.
Just to let you know I stand on the same ground you do.
Move on it's hard for me I find myself wanting to write him or to call but I stop myself.
It's very painful but every tear I shead relieves me. You see i've gone through the same thing before so I can do it again.
You can to. Do not doubt yourself you are stronger than you think. Your mind,heart,body can take crushing amounts of pain and still not die. All I can tell you is time heals all things. Slowly,painfully but love it will happen..
I understand your pain. It is very painful to love someone and not to be loved back. The following question maybe doesn't make much sense to you, but as you are a very intelligent person, I will ask you this: Have you ever thought about loving him without wanting anything back? Could you try and do something good for him without him knowing? This is the most difficult, but most rewarding part of love: To love without the other person belonging to you. To love and let go. Most people think love means holding hands and kissing and sex and all that. It can. It is sometimes part of it. But the essential part of love does not show in holding hands.
Take care.
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