My Little Boy
On the 9th January 2004 my life changed forever. That day is etched into my memory for it is the day my son, Jack was born asleep; I had suffered from severe pre-eclampsia and Jacks heartbeat stopped at 28 weeks on 8th January 2004.
. I shall start at the beginning; In July 2003 I found out I was pregnant, I was happy but frightened, worried about being able to cope and whether I would be a good mother etc.
From the start of the pregnancy I was unwell, I was sick constantly and lived on Pot Noodles as they were the only things I could stomach lol.
By the time I reached 6 months gestation I had been back and forth the hospital because I was losing weight and being sick all the time, each time I was reassured that the baby was fine and growing very well. It was December by this time and after Christmas I became more and more ill when finally on the 4th January 2004 I went to Prince Charles Hospital to be checked out, I was admitted straight away with protein in my urine and sky high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia was diagnosed. That first night I was in hospital I became steadily worse and had chest pains and couldn’t breathe. As the hospital I was in did not have facilities for babies born under 30 weeks I needed to be transferred.
Overnight I was transferred to Singleton Hospital about 50 miles away and over the next few days I was very up and down. One minute I would feel ok, the next, my blood pressure would shoot up again. Every time my blood pressure rocketed I would be taken to the high-dependency unit to be monitored.
On the morning of the 8th I awoke feeling like I couldn’t breathe again and it was then decided my body was starting to fail and the baby was in distress and needed to be delivered. I was taken to the operating theatre to have an emergency c-section. I do not remember much of this as my blood pressure was so high I was fitting and was out of it a lot. I remember being in a very bright room with lots of people poking and prodding at me. The next thing I remember was being told that ‘sorry, we cant find the heartbeat’ I cant begin to describe how I felt when I heard those words, I remember not comprehending what the doctor was telling me, I felt lost and confused as if this couldn’t possibly be happening, a case of - what do they know? My world came crashing down and it is a blur to me. Finally my partner Liam was called, he arrived just after I was brought back from the operating theatre. The look on his face as he walked towards me will haunt me forever, all I could see where his eyes, full of hurt and grief. I felt it was my fault, after all it was my body that had failed, I wanted to stop his hurting but he was concerned only for me, he was and still is so amazing, I couldn’t have gotten through this without him.
I was then told I would have to give birth naturally and the induction began. I do not remember much of the birth as I was drugged up on Morphine but 24 hours later my son, Jack was born. He was tiny, 1lb 9oz perfect and so beautiful and peaceful but he never took a breath and he never opened his eyes. We got to hold our son and take photos, hand/footprints and a lock of hair, we dressed him and gave him his cuddly toys from his grandparents and aunty and uncle. Little things that are now so precious to us.
A few days later it was time for me to go home, leaving that hospital was so hard, I felt as though I was leaving my baby behind and alone and I did not want to go, I wanted to take my baby home, like everyone else.
The funeral was a week later attended by family and friends, it was a beautiful ceremony and Jack was laid to rest in our local cemetery where we often spend time talking to him and taking him flowers etc. I am so proud of my son, who fought to be with us, but in the end, had to go. I was lucky to meet him and have him for a short while. Sleep easy darling.
**Loving you is easy
We do it every day,
Missing you’s a heartache,
That never goes away.**
**The Cord**
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.
This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!
Author Unknown
Thank you for reading this story and I invite you to light a candle on Jack’s memorial site. http://rememberedbyus.com/JackMichaelMcGoldrick
Emma
Story shared: 24/10/2006 18:13:14
Comments
My heart goes out to you, and thank you for being so very brave and submitting your story on here. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason as to why things happen in life and things cannot be explained.
I will visit your rememberance site for jack and light a candle for him, you and your partner.
Love and best wishes, CJ x
I've got twins who are 3 1/2 weeks old and they are adorable... I think you should try again and keep trying because once you have them you will never loose them. They and so cuddly and they keep you company. My Husband has Just Passed away 2 days after Sophie and My son Jack was born. So i havebeen alone since and it's not nice. I'm crying as i'm writing this. Me and my husband had been together for 15 years. i'm 31 now and we were 19 and 20 when we got married. I loved him sooo much...
R.I.P DARLING. I'M ALWAYS WITH YOU X x x love you Scott.... X
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