wanting to kill myself but i cant
At the moment im having thoughts about killing my self i cant help it. I was talking to my mum and boyfriend and by accident i slipped out i realy want to kill my self my mum started getting all worried and after we stopped talking me and my boyfriend went up stairs and he was more worried than my mum he cept saying how much he loved me and he dosent want me to die and that he nearly cried. I did try starving my self to death but i gave up in the end coz something was happening back then over my mum and dad. Some days i get so stresed out i just feel like doing it but then i think about all the people who will miss me. I think now i have been trying to kill my self for the past 2 years what isant good really. I sometimes cut my self and give my self really bad bruses but when my mum sees them she tells me how i did it i just say i went and knocke it on the table but really i went got a hammer or something and for my cuts and get a razor or knife and start cutting my self on my arms and face and legs.
Another thing aswell is that i think that im really ugly and i no i am people say im pretty but i dont think i am i look at all the college girls and celebrities and all that and there really pretty and i wish i was like them but i would never be i tel my boyfriend im ugly but he turns around and says (your not ugly you beautiful ) but i swear some of the poeple who say im pretty are lying to me. I think im fat to but everyone says im skinny i dont feel skinny a couple of years ago i had to go to hospital coz i had something really bad with my tummy coz i wasent eating proberly i was in hospital for 3 weeks it was hell they were trying to get food down me but they couldn't coz i wouldn't onpen my mouth anyway they gave up in the end what was good any way every time i did eat a tiny bit of food i would of felt sick so i didn't bother.
I just want to end my life for good i dont really care what people say i will do it one day and when i do i will feel alot happier.
Story shared: 23/04/2008 22:21:16
Comments
The reason I ask if that I have sometimes felt like I did not want to be here. I think this is because I had recently had an abortion that have found very difficult to cope with and have suffered many emotions (some would say rigghtly so) such as guilt, regret, greif and I often feel tearful and I believe my feeling of not wanting to be here are related to that experiemce in my life. I am not going to end my life because I feel (and hope) that one day I can lead a normal, happy life. I don't think you shoud end your life either.
You sound like wonderful, beatuful, caring girl with a long happy life ahead of you, why end it? From the sounds of it you have great support network too, with your boyfriend and your mom who are both looking out for you and love you (you are very, very important to them), if they were to loose you imagine the hurt and loss they would feel without you in there lives. Please don't do it!
You say that you are not happy with your weight and your looks, why? I think you should listen to your friends and family when they say you are pretty and that you are not fat. Remember they have your best interests at heart and would tell you the truth, they would have no reason to lie to you.
You should try not to focus too much on celebrities because there lives are no real, alot of the pictures in magazines for example are airbrushed (in other words the pictures are changed/altered to make the person look better, when in really life they look nothing like that picture). Besides it's not all about looks, a good personality counts aswell (and from what you have written I think you have both).
I think that it may be worth you speaking to someone about yur concerns about your weight, looks and wanting to end your life. What you said about not eating much is not healthly for you. You body needs food (just like a car need oil, petrol and so on) run smoothluy. Food provides your body with the necessary fuel, nutrients, water and so on that is needed so that you can lead a normal, healthly active life. If you are worried about your weight then please be rest assured that you can still eat very heathly and still stay slim, fit and healthy all at the same time (without gaining any weight). Things like plently of fruit and veg. Why not sign up at gym, even see a nutrutionisist for really good advise on food. Sorry to go on about it, but you do need to eat otherwise you will be become ill.
Also I really think it is worth speaking to someone about what you are feeling about you weight, looks and your thoughts of ending your life. If you cannot be open with your boyfriend, mother or friends then why not speak to someone that is more independent (who knows noting or not much about you or your life), where you can be honest about your feelings. I think your GP would be a good start, he/she could then refer you for councelling to help discuss your feelings. It may help you to understand why you feel the way you do about your looks/weight and also dig dip into why you want to end your life and also eventually help you to see that there is more life and that there is so much more for to live for. I am seeing a councellor now to help me deal with my feeling and honestly it does help (you do need to find a councillor that you connect with, so if you don't find someone that you like, then keep looking until you) and I am feeling so much more positive about life.
There are Im sure many people who have felt like you have, who have managed to turn there life around. It may be that you are feeling low which is causing you to feel this way. Whatever it is you must seek help NOW!
How old are you? You seem like you have a long, lovely life ahead of you full of fun and joy. There must be things you want to do with life...college, university, work, children ,travelling, socialising...these are the things you can do with your life.
Please don't give up, don't end your life. See your doctors, see councellor. You can get through this!
I hope to hear from you soon. Good Luck
The reason I ask if that I have sometimes felt like I did not want to be here. I think this is because I had recently had an abortion that have found very difficult to cope with and have suffered many emotions (some would say rigghtly so) such as guilt, regret, greif and I often feel tearful and I believe my feeling of not wanting to be here are related to that experiemce in my life. I am not going to end my life because I feel (and hope) that one day I can lead a normal, happy life. I don't think you shoud end your life either.
You sound like wonderful, beatuful, caring girl with a long happy life ahead of you, why end it? From the sounds of it you have great support network too, with your boyfriend and your mom who are both looking out for you and love you (you are very, very important to them), if they were to loose you imagine the hurt and loss they would feel without you in there lives. Please don't do it!
You say that you are not happy with your weight and your looks, why? I think you should listen to your friends and family when they say you are pretty and that you are not fat. Remember they have your best interests at heart and would tell you the truth, they would have no reason to lie to you.
You should try not to focus too much on celebrities because there lives are no real, alot of the pictures in magazines for example are airbrushed (in other words the pictures are changed/altered to make the person look better, when in really life they look nothing like that picture). Besides it's not all about looks, a good personality counts aswell (and from what you have written I think you have both).
I think that it may be worth you speaking to someone about yur concerns about your weight, looks and wanting to end your life. What you said about not eating much is not healthly for you. You body needs food (just like a car need oil, petrol and so on) run smoothluy. Food provides your body with the necessary fuel, nutrients, water and so on that is needed so that you can lead a normal, healthly active life. If you are worried about your weight then please be rest assured that you can still eat very heathly and still stay slim, fit and healthy all at the same time (without gaining any weight). Things like plently of fruit and veg. Why not sign up at gym, even see a nutrutionisist for really good advise on food. Sorry to go on about it, but you do need to eat otherwise you will be become ill.
Also I really think it is worth speaking to someone about what you are feeling about you weight, looks and your thoughts of ending your life. If you cannot be open with your boyfriend, mother or friends then why not speak to someone that is more independent (who knows noting or not much about you or your life), where you can be honest about your feelings. I think your GP would be a good start, he/she could then refer you for councelling to help discuss your feelings. It may help you to understand why you feel the way you do about your looks/weight and also dig dip into why you want to end your life and also eventually help you to see that there is more life and that there is so much more for to live for. I am seeing a councellor now to help me deal with my feeling and honestly it does help (you do need to find a councillor that you connect with, so if you don't find someone that you like, then keep looking until you) and I am feeling so much more positive about life.
There are Im sure many people who have felt like you have, who have managed to turn there life around. It may be that you are feeling low which is causing you to feel this way. Whatever it is you must seek help NOW!
How old are you? You seem like you have a long, lovely life ahead of you full of fun and joy. There must be things you want to do with life...college, university, work, children ,travelling, socialising...these are the things you can do with your life.
Please don't give up, don't end your life. See your doctors, see councellor. You can get through this!
I hope to hear from you soon. Good Luck
you;ve got people caring for you.
why hurt yourself?
those slashes and bruises can be healed in time.why create new ones?
indulge in the warm feeling of caring people.
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