Ever decreasing circle of help
Hi - found this site while googling 'feeling lonely'. Mmmmm. The computer is now my friend. I feel I have a problem because over the last 5 years in particular I have shut out friends (now given up trying with me) because I cannot speak about my problems. I am trapped in a miserable marriage for now and the man I really love has moved 10,000 miles away. He has been supportive for 12 months since emigrating but because I cannot find the leap of faith to be with him over the last few days he has given up on me. I feel like I sabotage myself and have got used to lonely, unhappy and despair. I shut family and friends out because they seemed to simply not 'get' my failing marriage. I explained the abuse - they seemed deaf to it. People don't want to hear bad news. So I kept up a facade unable to explain I wanted a new life somewhere else - its like a silent scream that goes on and on. So I need impartial support but I have found I am now attention seeking in the most bazaar and ludicrous ways for example yesterday I called a psychic phone line 3 times. Cost a fortune but I know I was paying to hear someone talk about me, to me and give me their time. Not sure what I heard was of any use but I feel I could be getting addicted to this kind of attention. Nothing seems to quench my loneliness - I feel like a child again just needs a hug and half an hour of someones time. Trouble is I'm 35 and childless and procrastinate about every single thing. I have just spent 2 hours choosing 3 birthday cards. I have put my life on hold going over and over whether to leave for a new life - unable to engage in things around me. As a result any support is gone and I rebuff any attempts by family to enquire how I am. They get upset if I am upset and I don't want to do that to them.....because they have a handy knack of making me feel guilt for doing it to them... so my loneliness continues. Grrrrrr. How to dig out of it.
Story shared: 12/04/2008 13:27:01
#278 View the comments about this story lonely - depressed - decision
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