Tired
Im not too sure where to start. I need to get things of my chest as I am a little depressed right now and have found that writing often helps me.
I am just quite down at the moment and I am finding it really hard. I was kicked out of home at the age of 14 and have been on my own ever since. I am now 24. I do have friends but none I can really turn to if I am in trouble. Well I maybe do, but as I have had to fend for myself for so many I dont think I know how to ask for help.
I just wish I had someone there. I wish I had a Mother who cared to be honest. Its so hard not having anyone to talk to, or if I am in trouble having no one to turn to. It puts a huge amount of stress on me and I think that is why I get bouts of depression often. Im tired. I need someone to take care of me. And that is so hard for me to admit.
The holidays are the worst. I am so sick of spending every birthday and Christmas alone. It hurts so much and I am always having to make up stories about what I did on those occasions because I am so ashamed to admit it is just me. I would just love to be with people who loved me as much as I loved them.
I have certain friends and all they do is complain about the arguments they have with their family's. God, what I would not give to have that! I just cant take being on my own any more. I need someone in my life to direct me, give advise, help me when I have a problem. But its just me. I honestly cant put into words how hard it is.
And I still have not dealt with it either. It was not my fault. My step-dad from the age of 6 abused me and when I started to stand up to him he kicked me out and turned my whole family against me with lies. But I am also so angry at my mum because she knew and saw every day the mental and physical abuse and she just let it happen. And she is still with him. She chose to have me, not the other way around.
All I want to do is go to college and get a head in life. But i have always had to have 2 full time jobs just to support myself and I have never had the chance. I just want a break, some help. Someone to lean on. And as selfish as this sounds I think I deserve it.
Anyway my rant is over, I could go on forever but if I opened up the can of worms I would never get to the bottom. Any comments would be appreciated. A kind word would be nice. I listen to everyones problems and help them through their rough times, and I think I would just like an ear or a shoulder to cry apon.
Story shared: 31/03/2008 02:17:52
Comments
Since i have never been in a situation like this... im not really sure what to say, but ill try my hardest:
i can understand why you r angry at your mum, she chose another man other you and thats what hurts. Shes scared of him, it doesnt sound as if she 'loves' him, but is scared of what he could do to her and her family.
Everyone needs someone to lean on. dont worry. its natural, we all do. =]. as a first choice i would say your mother... but obviously your still hurting. if your still in contact with her or have her number then call and arrange to meet up sometime, tell her everything that u explained here ^.
However, is thats to much then i would turn to a friend who u trust the most, i understand its hard to admit these things... i find it hard too =[.
Talk to them and verbalize your feelings... its all very well writing them down... but you have to verbalize them and not bottle them up.
As for your college/job situation, no one deserves the chance to be deprived of a degree/education. Go to your library or look on the internet and ask/search ofr a support group who support people with your needs.
Dont be embarasssed, there are tons of other people out there like you. your not alone. =]. Of course you need help, you've been on ur own for 10 years, u need and deserve someone to listen to you and help you.
finally, about your depression, just a suggestion, but, i would go to the doctors/local pharmacist and get something for it. i know it sounds rubbish but honestly it will help you.
=]
hope more good comes your way soon, :-)
xoxoxoxoxo
I'm sooooooo sorry for what has happend to you i'm only 14. Im shocked what i had just went and read i soo cant beleive your mum went and choosed between you and your step dad and she had to choose your step dad what a bitch he went and abused you its not good when they kicked you out you should of went to the police or something coz i wouldn't of taken that shit. But the only thing now that its to late to do anything. I think you should take the advice that Beano has given you she has helped you alot get back on your feet sort everything out and start a fresh new life explore the world or something and you wanted to go to college try and go there and get a good education you will need it in the world so i hope everything pulls through for you good luck you need it girl
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :)
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