True life stories.

Am I a monster??

Some weeks ago a friend came to see me and stayed with me for some weeks. When she left and after all we talked I stayed with an idea in my mind: I should stay away from all the people I love because it seems that the only thing I do is hurt them.
And sometimes I really thing I'm like that. Yesterday was a friend's birthday and I didn't want to go to see her because she has a friend that I hate. I took that decision some days ago, when she invited me, and since them she's mad with me. At the end, she stayed at her house alone almost the whole day. I could have gone to see her... but my hate against his friend was stronger than my love for her. And my life seems to be plenty of situations like this...
I hate easily. Too easily, and I hurt people I love for that.
I don't like the life I have now, and I have almost no reasons to be happy about, but that's not a reason to treat badly the few people who is close to me. But I cannot avoid it... Seems hate has total control of my heart and I don’t want to be like that… but I cannot find an exit…
Seems that the best thing I can do for my friends is stay away... I really feel like a monster...

Story shared: 25/03/2008 18:23:02

#260 View the comments about this story Tags: hate friends monster stay away hurt

Comments

#1 by *sarah* on 28/03/2008 14:55:20 (id-928).
i undertand why you feel this way... i have been tht way since the beginng of my freshman year... i thought "i've been used too easily" i thought i was giving other ppl power and to an extent i kinda still am... but u have to trust ppl at a certain time

#2 by ILM on 29/03/2008 23:14:17 (id-931).
see if you can find a reason for your negative thoughts.. do u feel ill towards people for a good reason? if you have low self-esteem, you can hate people for having qualities you want. im not havin a go at u, i understnd what thats like.
its hard.. bt try to let go of negative emotions. try 2 see the positive side of people and situations. and your friends are your friends for a reason, they obviously see good qualities in you, so you must have some. just try and find out what they are for yourself, and be happy with who you are.

#3 by It will come in handy on 11/06/2008 05:53:02 (id-1027).
one day your easily hatred will come in handy you will see a problem waiting to happen and you will warn them but they may not believe you

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