Loss of love
My story is about looking for love, and the pain that comes from realising that love which you thought would last, has ended.
During my childhood, my parents' marriage worsened and they divorced when I was around 11. At different times they each had breakdowns and I became the caring, supportive one to help them through - both in practical and emotional ways. However I never felt unconditionally loved for who I am - love was always dependent on fitting in and on academic success.
My family were all academically bright, and so was I. We all managed to get excellent exam results and scholarships, while there was chaos at home. I became good at splitting apart my school life and my home life.
As an adolescent of 17, I felt fat, plain and ugly. To my amazement, a man began to take an interest in me - longing for love, I immediately transferred all my affections to him. The relationship was always unequal and soon after beginning to live together, I found he was drinking heavily and had violent tendencies. During the next few years, he became more and more often violent towards me, until I finally had him arrested when I realised I would not survive more of this. I still cared for him, even when I knew the pain he had caused me.
The next few years were taken up with overeating, drinking too much, and some regrettable one-night stands. Gradually I began to get my balance back, lost some weight and got into a more stable emotional zone. At a point when I was at my most content and my most stable - I met another man.
This man was - or could have been - the love of my life. I fell in love with him, and he with me. We had six extremely happy months.. until he was involved in a car accident (not his fault). The impact worsened some existing damage he'd had years earlier to his spine, and his health suddenly became much worse. Although I loved him (and still do), the relationship began to be less - we were no longer equal in health, energy or ability. He broke off the relationship a few months ago. The pain of this is still so great that I am not sure I will survive it - though I am trying to rebuild my life.
The pain of lost love does not go away : the best to hope for is that you can develop in other directions.
Story shared: 05/10/2006 13:36:22
#26 View the comments about this story loss - love - illness - violence
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I hope you get what you want out of this site, and thank you for coming on and sharing. I hope your life gets better in every way you need it too.
With very best wishes, take care, and good luck. CJ
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