Everything
I just don't know where to start really, I feel like I'm having a complete breakdown and I don't know what to do or where to go. I'm 24, 9 years ago my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and my mum was diagnosed with emphysema. My Dad found this amazing strength inside and fought the disease, my mum went the other way and basically gave up, convinced that my Dad was going to die and that she would rather die than live without him. She basically made all of our lives completely miserable, she was very abusive and was clear that she basically wanted him to herself at any cost. She grew to hate myself and my sister. My Dad fought on and despite his illness continued to work full time until he got made redundant. He still didn't give up when this happened and applied for a good job in London to continue to be as normal as possible for as long as possible. The day of the interview my mother begged him not to go, all she wanted was for him to stay at home with her so that they could 'die together', dying was not something my Dad ever contemplated. When he refused she dialled 999 and told the police he had beaten her up, furthermore she also told them that my sister and I had been physically abusing her for years. Social Services attended the house and removed her and put her into a refuge. It turned out that she had in fact been telling people in our village the same story for years and everyone thought we were monsters.
It was a relief when she was gone, things almost got back to normal - we could have normal relationships without the stress. Four days later my Dad got the news that there was nothing more they could do for him, the cancer could no longer be treated. Then my mother filed for divorce with some awful accusations and demands in the paperwork. She wanted everything and more - the house, pensions, savings, ongoing financial support. My Dad wanted the divorce by this point and was happy to meet her half way giving up most of what he had worked for, so long as my sister and I had something when he died. Then she found out he was dying and stopped the divorce knowing she would be better off financially if he died, she blatantly told people that was her intention. She started to harass us with letters and phone calls constantly saying she knew he was dying and accusing us of being unreasonable for not wanting to see her.
My Dad died last July. My mothers harassment continued right up until that day even phoning the hospice where he died constantly. My sister and I cared for Dad at home for as long as we could but it was so hard, he lost his memory and the use of his legs - it was horrendous to watch someone you love so much deteriorate like he did.
I miss my Dad everyday and I hate my mother for what she put and continues to put us through. She is still harassing us, refusing to sign paperwork so that we can get any sort of closure or sort out Dads estate, she says she wants a reconciliation because 'life is too short'. I just can't forgive her making my Dads last year so awful when all he ever did was love and support her no matter what. She even ruined his funeral.
My sister is 3 years younger than me and I'm left to deal with absolutely everything - paperwork, solicitors, cleaning etc. She is much less mature than me but I can't get her to understand how everything is taking its toll on me. I feel so trapped, I can't sleep and I just want some sort of normality again where all of this isn't hanging over me.
I've been with my partner for 6 years and I can't blame him but he won't make any sort of commitment to me, he won't consider moving in together and is really inconsistent - some days I hear from him, others I don't. He's been there through so much and I just don't think he wants it anymore but can't tell me.
It takes a lot for me to pour my heart out, I might just be having a bad day and will feel better tomorrow. But right now it just feels like the end of the world, I have a sick nervous stomach and I can't stop crying...I just feel so alone.
Story shared: 23/03/2008 20:20:37
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