DISOWNING MY SON
Today my son has just moved out of my house to go back and live with my mother again. This is the third and final time it has happened. As I am typing this, my heart is breaking, I will never ever go through this pain again in my life. He is 17 and he moved in with my mother in 2005 because all the local schools in this area were full, so a school near my mother accepted him. He was only meant to stay there until he had finished school and then move back with me. When he moved out for the first time to live with my mother, i broke my heart but knew it was for the best for his future. He finished school in the summer of 2007 and decided he wanted to live back with me again. Well he moved back in, I got him a part time job in the local shop and enquired about local colleges for him. Within weeks of him moving back, he got involved in the wrong crowd and trouble started. My son then decided that he wanted to go back and live with my mother again and to go to college down there. I packed his things and drove him down there. He started college down there and realised he didnt like it so he phoned me and asked me could I get him into a college back up here because he didnt like the college there. I worked hard to get him a place in college up here, he was lucky to get in because it was so late in the year but they accepted it. He moved back up here November. He started college and for the first few days he seemed to like it but then it all started to go wrong. He didnt like the theory work they gave him, he wasnt interested in exams or anything so he decided that the college wasnt for him. He wanted to finish. He then decided to want to move back in with my mom again and today he has just left my house. I have spent thousands and thousands on him for college, clothes etc and trying to get him sorted for his future. Today it ends, i have finished with it all, he will now have to sort his own future out, I have been messed about too much. I have been ill and i feel broken through it all, i cannot do anymore. its finished
Story shared: 12/01/2008 09:43:28
Comments
My Dad had a similar attitude to yours. He cast me aside because I was too inconvenient, too much hassle. I'm now a successful film-maker. He contacts me from time to time wanting this or that. But I will never forget or forgive how he abandoned me.
If you continue feeling like this, and allow it to swallow you up you will end up alone.
Your son deserves your unconditional love. That means that no matter what he does you love him and show him how proud you are. If you don't snap out of this you will break your son's heart far worse than worse is. And you will lose him for good.
I spent years fighting every inch of the way for access, spent a fortune, used to drive over 500 miles on a Saturday just to see my kids. I would not give up on them.
I was living in a scabby one room bedsit, with no heating, after living in a nice house with a new car etc. It kicked off depression that I still have 20 years later.
The kids reached 18, one was a bright girl. I gave her thousands to see her through Uni, the other I had to bribe to get a job. I rarely saw either. They were now hundreds of miles away in opposite directions.
They are now in their mid-twenties, one is a high flyer with a degree who speaks several languages, the other is in a solid relationship with a house, partner and 2 kids of her own.
I may rarely see them, I may rarely hear from them, but the one thing that has kept me from death's door is the knowledge that by doing what I did, by being a father, being there as a solid but unseen rock through all those years meant that they now have happy content lives.
Do not underestimate what being a father is. It is there for life, it doesn't have a price tag, and ultimately any parent would lay down their life for that of their child. They are a challenge like no other, and one day they grow up, just like we did, and when they do they will have memories, just as we have. What those memories are, are down to you, you won't be able to go back and create new ones for them, what you do is written into their memory cells forever. Being a parent is, has already been said, unconditional. It doesn't matter whether your kids are happy, sad, gay, lesbian, or mass murderers. Absolutely nothing stands between a parent and a child.
Take what you have and embrace it, don't let your son down, he needs you, he will always need you, one day he will be 40 years old, what memories will he have of his father?
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