(Confused)
This isn't much of a story it's just how I'm feeling. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for many years and just started medication for it last year. I'm at a point in my life now where I think I should be happy or at least content but I feel myself slipping back into that feeling of worthlessness. I don't know why at all, there isn't anything that is making me depressed, I'm just starting to feel completely useless. Like I have no reason to get up in the morning.
The really weird thing is that I'm starting a new relationship with someone that I liked and pursued and it worked, I just bought a new car and I made some new friends. This all should be making me happy but it's not. Maybe I have been depressed for most of my life that here lately I have been thinking that maybe I'm numb to those particular ones because I do feel more comfortable when I'm in my depression feeling. It feels more normal to me. I know that's a terrible thing to think but i'm unsure why.
...If anyone else has an idea what I mean I would love to hear what you think.
Story shared: 07/01/2008 16:00:33
Comments
What happens is that we get depressed and try to cheer ourselves up, we have been conditioned to believe that in order to do this we need to buy something. So we buy it. There is an adrenaline rush generated by doing that, and yes, we feel great...until the adrenaline wears off, and then we plummet back into the abyss.
I guess I am genetically depressed, fought it all my life. But now that I know that if I stay off the roller coaster, my life is at least stable. No huge leaps of ecstatic excitement, and no plunges back to the natural level. It isn't a perfect life, it never will be, but it is stable.
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