My_mum_makes_life_unbearable
my mum has made my life misery. I only realised what she has done recently. She and my dad have split up, and she makes me spend more time with her. she is a manipulating, schemeing woman.
she gets really angry, all she cares about is herself and money. i mean, she goes all "buy one get one free" with food for my step brothers and myself, but she's quite happy to dole out £10 for a bottle of wine on herself. all she cares about is herself and how to make herself look the best out of other mothers, as if it was some kind of twisted competition. thats what she is: twisted. she thinks she is better and all knowing, and is hypocritical, as she comments on me being all-knowing.
she just thinks that she is so smart, yet she did not go to a grammar school, like I do, nor did she get a good job. she is irrational in her decisions, and she is completely illogical, flawed perception at best. she thinks that she truly knows me, yet she truly knows naught. she does not know what my favourite colour is or anything else that a REAL mother would know. she gives me no choice over any matter, still treating me as if i'm 6. I'm 13. i have a greater sense of maturity and understanding of the world that most people of my age.
If i don't do what she wants me to, she throws a fit, and slags me down, making me fell intimidated and worthless. she's even trying to pressurise me to take a GCSE that i don't want to take, but i still have yet to choose. she thinks that she needs to decide something so important to me as what my life will be as I am unable to do so. she has NO intention of letting me take the GCSE that I want, as she will have [i]talks[/i] with my dad. as if.
as a teenager, i'm going through a really rough time, with the hormones etc. i've always had slight anger problems, though they've got better, but the mark left by them has caused, and still is causing me bullying. she offers absoleutly no support to me. I find my only solice with my dad, whom cherishes me above anything else in the world. he understands my plight.
please, is there anynoe else who understands my plight? my mum makes life so miserable for me, it is unbearable. i try to stay in my room, but she just comes in and out as she wills, so i have no privacy. I know that I have only given one side, but the only good from where i live 9 days a fortnight NOT from her. PLEASE, I need support from other people. Louis Blackburn
Story shared: 13/12/2007 20:21:07
#219 View the comments about this story Hate - Childhood - near-depression
Comments
My mom is Single and I can make a list of all the boys she's screwed.
1. MY BOYFRIEND
2. MY TEACHER
3. THE MAILMAN
4. MY BROTHER
Or so I thought.
That's how it felt at the time. But it wasn't the case. I have the benefit of being an adult now. And I know that what I misinterrupted as being hatred from my mother was exactly the opposite. She loved me very much, but was herself going through an incredibly hard time. She fought tooth and nail to keep the roof over my head, and all I saw was how obsessed she became about the house. No wonder she did. Divorce isn't a picnic. The rows weren't because she hated me at all, they were because she was finding it very hard to cope with being a single mum. In hindsight, she coped admirably. And I love her for it.
I'm very very lucky that she is still around and still cares for me. You may not be so lucky. Anything could happen to your mum Louis. Cherish her while you can. Talk to her calmly. Tell her you love her and want to help make it better. She WILL respond. Mine did. People will come and go from your life. They'll break your heart and walk all over you. Except your Mum. She'll love you forever. Even if she has trouble showing it right now. Make the first move yourself. You will never regret it.
She has gone back on EVERY agrrement she's ever had with my dad. the initial deal was that when i went to secondary school, i was to spend 9 days with my dad, adn 5 days with my mum. 'cos i didn't go to my 1st choice school, Manwoods, my mum ruled out that i was only going to have the days if i went there. then my dad got a house in dover, where my grammar school is, and then the agreement was 7 days w/my dad and 7 w/my mum. My mum ruled it out this time because my dad got the house later than SHE wanted. she is totalarian and I hate her, I fall asleep imagining how i WOuld kill her.
Im sorry to hear about the hard time you are having with your mum. I had a real hard time with my mum when I was a teenager as she was really manipulative and self-centred too and I really understand the lack of privacy issue, as my mum used to look through all my stuff, read my letters, etc. Yet all the time in front of other people she was always smiling sweetly and making out she was this wonderful mother. It was really sickmaking. I moved out when I was 18 and now Im polite to her but I don\'t see her very much as otherwise she starts to get on my nerves as she has never really made an effort to get to know me and that hurts. She still buys me christmas/birthday presents but they are always things she would like or for example in her favourite colour, not mine. I guess Im unlucky as a lot of people find that they get on with their parents ok when they are older. However my mum\'s still the same. I have just learnt not to expect any support from her. I wish I had learnt this earlier, as I spent years feeling angry and getting wound up by her. I recently found out about a personality disorder which totally explained my mum\'s behaviour, called Narcissistic Personality disorder. It might help to check it out - put it into google - the page called bullyonline is good. (This page won't let me enter the full address)
However there might just be other things wrong, or your mum could just be going through a bad patch.
The key to damage limitation is in mother management. If you can work out how to get the best out of her, then things will be easier for you. This might be really difficult, but the best way to change peoples behaviour towards you is to change your behaviour towards them. This might involve for example forcing yourself to give her a compliment (even if its not entirley sincere)- it might make her nicer! The calmer you can stay the better. When she is being manipulative or unreasonable treat it like a puzzle and try to work out exactly whats sh\'es doing and how. If you can stay calm when she\'s ranting, throwing insults at you or crying, refuse to get dragged in or respond. This takes practice!!
It sounds like you are feeling pretty angry, and there may be other issues what with your parents getting divorced, people sometimes blame one of their parents. Might be worth checking if your school has a counselling service so you can get stuff off your chest.
With regards to how often you see your dad, its really your choice. Even if it went to court it is unlikely they would force you to live with your mum if you really dont want to cos they think that from 12 onwards young people vote with their feet - that is, they will simply up and leave to go live with whichever parent they want. If your dad is willing to have you living there full time or more of the time than you are at the moment, then stay with him. And if you can stay with your dad more, you might find you can get on with your mum better, and be able to appreciate some good things about her. (Even the most terrible person has some good points!)
Also its up to you to choose your GCSE subjects. Just make sure you are not taking subjects purely cos your mum says you should! You can listen to her reasons for why she thinks you should take a subject but ultimely your choice, not hers.
I hope some of this helps. Good Luck!
Zed
Add you're comment