True life stories.

at 37 i have only begun to realise the pain

every thing is about me, please understand this before you read on.

if not understand it, then just feel it for a short time.

i have had relationships, i have a child born of love, a person my heart could not and would not hurt.

i am lonely, i have felt this lonelyness from my birth, wondering if i was born a twin, a twin who died at birth, a connection forged from life itself, from the very essence of life, only now to stand alone on this planet, to face life alone knowing the absolute intimacy of another, missing the connectedness of one so close.

my heart has felt so empty of the love for a soulmate, filled with the joy of my son, but empty of the love of a mate, of one so close that there is no such thing as secret, the loneliness that can rip a mans soul to shreds, to lay him before his own nakedness, to see the fallacy of life itself.

i met a girl that i felt so much love for, i made plans to marry, my life essence blossomed into a flower so beautiful i cried. i was rejected, by her fear, by the strength of her other halfs hatred, by her fear of her other half? i will never know, i am too much of a coward to find out.

it has taken 37 years for me to feel the intensity of feelings i have, i love the pain i feel, i love the pleasure i feel, i love that i feel, i love.

i do love, my heart is open to new adventure, i am willing to feel the pain of failure knowing that one day i may feel that love once again, not the love one has for family, but the love one has for another, the love that one has for a heart so perfectly in tune with our own that you would lay down your life for the whim of a chance of that love, regardless of the pain it may cause.

read this, know i am in pain searching, but know that i am searching regardless. if you understand, or have even the slightest glimmer of an understanding, please respond, i will be only too glad to talk, we may hinder or help each other but without trying we will never know.

love and peace,

roy

Story shared: 29/09/2006 21:29:28

#21 View the comments about this story Tags: love pain

Comments

#1 by Christopher John on 11/10/2006 04:07:42 (id-243).
Hey Roy

Thank you for coming on and bearing your heart to us. I am sorry that you feel in so much pain in your heart, and sincerely hope that you start to mend any pain that you might have.

I hope that you receive words of encouragement an understanding from others that can help you.

With very best wishes, and good luck. CJ

#2 by Monkey on 24/10/2006 14:15:48 (id-261).
Dear Roy,

I hope that you find a soulmate who understands and cares for you and welcomes the enormous amount of love you have to give. Good luck to you and your child and I hope that you find peace of mind and happiness in life.

All the best,

M

#3 by Debs on 25/10/2006 10:29:58 (id-267).
Roy, your comment about feeling lonely all your life has really struck a chord with me. I have even checked wth the registry office to see if I was in reality one of twins, especially as my Mother made cryptic comments in diaries that I only read after she had died. The registry office told me that if I had been one of twins, then there would have bee a time on the BC a well as a date, but there was not. However, I know that the registrar at the time was my Mothers oldest friend, so the question is in essence still unanswered in my head. I crave love, I have children, which is wonderful, but I crave that all encompassing oneness with another that I know others are fortunate enough to have. I am always alone. I share your pain.

#4 by 国際結婚 on 21/09/2008 15:57:16 (id-1197).
よく練られた。

#5 by ラフティング on 23/09/2008 17:09:04 (id-1248).
検討に値する。

True life stories.

at 37 i have only begun to realise the pain

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