Luko's story
OK so the title's unorriginal and I guarentee the actual story won't be groundbreakingly new but I just need to write ya know. My apologies if it's too long but I'm in a foul mood and writing helps.
So I guess I should start with the questions:
-List 3 accomplishments in your life so far and explain each one in brief.
I got a highly commended in my dance award which I like
I spent two weeks in Thailand and tried lots of new things, including the food which I now love
I got into the university of my choice when I thought I might not
-List 3 big changes/transitions in your life so far and explain each one in brief.
I don't do well with changes, I started living at home after eight years at a boarding school
I got a job that I actually enjoy
I actually started going out and meeting people when I started uni
-List 3 life lessons you have learnt from either positive or negative experiences.
Never trust people until they give you a reason to be trusted
Never forget a wrong doing, I hold a grudge until I finally break even with that person and when I get in a bad mood I become very bitter
Despite how bad things are going there's always someone who has it worse
-List what values are important to you in your life right now and why?
Trust, after being betrayed and heartbroken more times than I care to mention you learn not to trust anyone unless they give you a reason to trust them
Money, as shallow as it sounds money is one of the most important things in the world
Partiocy, I'm not sure if that's the word I'm looking for but as far as I'm concerned I love my country (England) - it could do with improvements but so could everything and it disgusts me people who live here and degrade it for whatever reason, there are worse places that you could be.
-List what you would rather have less of in your life right now and why?
Worries, That's pretty self explanitory isn't it
I can't think of the word but the majority of the time I like to be on my own yet my parents feel the need to disturb me - parents maybe that's what I need less of
-How do you think your life differs to most?
In the grand scheme of things it doesn't, in many ways my life can be seen as better than most, my parents don't abuse me, my job sucks but my collegues are great, I've gotten to university but it's really just a collection of little things that continually get me down...as will be explained in my story
-What is your focus for your entry into Everybody Hurts?
My focus? I guess that's kinda like insperation and at the moment it's my parents:
I haven't gotten along with my parents for a good six years, maybe more. There's never any malice behind us being together and until I finished school. For the longest time at my school I was bullied, not good at sport, not the best student and as the class clown most of my jokes were deemed inappropriate but once I finished I decided that I was going to live at home for the three years at university. Within three weeks I regretted my decision. Aside from not having anything in common with my parents (Mum and step-dad) I activly dislike them and I am forced to live with them due to lack of money. They are activly attempting to overthrow my life a work it for me, they always have been...do this, do that do the other and no idea of mine is good unless they've said it first.
My mum's the worst for it, as a child I used to have dreams, all kids do - I wanted to be an actor, a lawyer, a computer game tester all the usual kid dreams yet evey single idea that I had always came accompanied by a sneer 'I don't think you can do that.' Even when it came to my French GCSE and I was failing there were no words of encouragement to get my grades up her exact words were 'I don't care'. I've never had any set goal because all my goals weren't good enough for here. During year eleven when it came to picking my A levels I suggested psychiatry because believe it or not I may want to help people. All she said to that was 'no', I actually wanted to help people and she denied me from doing it actually saying that I wouldn't be good at it. My Grandad, Dad and Step-Dad are all members of the Royal Navy and as a child I said that I didn't want to go down that road - also I intend to be the first person in three generations not to get divorced - as I grew up things changed and when I finish uni I intend to do a five year stint in one of the armed forces (not the army) mainly to boost my CV but that seems to be the only career choice that she will accept.
My home routine is essentially me in my room with my laptop doing whatever but keeping to myself. This poses a problem to her apparently, I can accept that I'm not looking for more work and I'm never doing anything until my uni friends are back in town but guess what not are a lot of other 19 year olds, the fact of the matter is she's looking at what my bad points are rather than my good points I'm in university and actually trying to be good at what I do, I have a job that I like, I'm not a drug addict or a theif yet the fact that I sit in my room avoiding contact with her is a problem.
I don't see a problem with myself, as far as I'm concerned I have a job, I'm getting an education and I'm not a criminal in many ways that says upstanding pillar of the community, or at least a regular pillar but she's hooked on the fact that I'm lazy - OMG a lazy teenager!!! The fact that I would prefer to do nothing than work is a big shock to her, when she was my age she had a kid and a job etc but what she doesnt mention that she also had no education and that in my view she destroyed her life by having a child so young - no disrespect to teenage mothers I think it's fantastic that you can do that I just hate children and think that they prematurly age people and prematurly end lives.
When she was younger than me she was ten-fold worse than I am and having been to a Christian Boarding school I hadn't had chance to 'let my hair down' so amazingly I'm taking advantage of it whilst I'm at uni, before I have to become a regular 9-5 guy.
My story isn't that spectacular it's just me letting off steam but I haven't even scratched the surface on my mother let alone the rest of my family...and they're all like it.
Any comments would be appreciated and I'll probably post sometime soon.
-Luko
Story shared: 08/08/2007 20:58:21
#174 View the comments about this story Luko's Story - 08 August 2007 - England - Plymouth - Post-Structuralism
Comments
I find your comments about trust and getting even with people worrying. It sounds like you may be closing off from people and you may find that in fact you are creating the kind of behaviour in other people that you are actually trying to prevent. I am 34 and have had plenty of unpleasant encounters with other people, whether flatmates, work colleagues, shops/services, that have caused anything from misery to anger to harm to pain. I am afraid it is life and unless you become a hermit you cannot avoid interacting with other people who may be very different to you, who you may not get on with and who may hurt you. Understand that this is life and we are all living it. I do not think not trusting people and seeking vengeance are the best ways of dealing with it. It may on occasion be appropriate to be wary of people or seek recompense but by and large I think you will live a happier life with more friends by being open, trusting and interested in other people. I suggest some reading, one book you may like is 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. Don't get put off by the title, its not in fact about being unable to make friends but its a kind of book on social psychology, how people tick and how to get the best out of people. One of the central tenets in this book is that by and large people like to be liked, they want to be appreciated, and if you can show people that you think they are OK they in turn will be OK and treat you well.
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