Where do i start?
God like so many i dont know where to start. i just hope someone reads this and makes a comment!!
Right im 26 and a mum of 1 i have had a partner for 7 years but i have decided we should splitt up for a million reasons!! thing is we r still living together as he time to save and move out. Ive made so many stupid midtakes in my life its like ive been wairting for somehing and its never happened. I have no idea what im waitibg for i just feel its there i ca n feel it around me.DOes that make sense? Im in such a mess ive got a good job which i love but have mucked that uo because i got involved with a guy there and now he has messed me about. I think cause i went thru so much with my long term partner that when this guy showed an interst i bulit it up into something its not and now he doesnt want to know. I feel so stupid, hes confused me so much. I know another rlaionship is not what i want or need but its like i needed to feel that love from someone, u know that attention. My long term partner has been very hard work, we got together and i had my daughter quickly and though we stayed together we are very young, and where i grew up he never did. All my friends tell me im attractive and funny and stuff but i cant see it sometimes, everything feels so forced im terrified that veryone judges me all the time. I got the job i love then mucked that uo by getting onvolved with a guy there, I have to face him evryday and i cant. My long term parner cheated on me for years and i think part of it was revennge..im soo deperate for love n stuff,yet i know that has to come from within first. I used to be a drug taking skag when i was a teenager and i cant forgive myself for it. My longterm partner has in the end but he always goes on about my weight or rather the fact that i have a podgy belly, but to me thts the least of my worries im not overweight at all i just need to tone but i have so many things going on in my head i cant focus, hes made my life a misery in that way and im soo angry but i cant kick him out. GOd none of this is even making sense is it. SOrry...i geuss what i really want to know is how do i love myself and respect my self again? how can i realise thats its ok to feel good about myself because i always think that i shouldnt that i dont deserve it.Someone please try and make sense of me!!!!
Story shared: 24/09/2006 14:47:59
#17 View the comments about this story Confusion - of - a - dancing - queen
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Thank you for sharing your story on here. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you can sort things out. I hope you also receive many comments of help, support and encouragement.
With very best wishes to you my friend, good luck and take care, CJ
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