True life stories.

All my life

When I was born my family was just me, my father and my older brother and mum. It was 1960. My father gave me up for adoption when I was 2 years old. I remember the day he left. Why did he not love me enough to fight for me? He didn't want to pay child support so he let my step father adopt me, my mother lied to me and told me he was my real father! They changed my name as well. My birth certificate is a lie! I found out when I was sixteen, while living in the same house with my mother, she could not face the lies so rather than tell me to my face she wrote me a letter!
By that time I had been beaten and sexually abused by my stepfather. I lived in fear of him, I didn't understand why he could not love me. I met my father again, and tried to be good for him, that didn't work either. It was never good enough, he was never proud of me (by then I had a paralegal degree, veterniary nursing school, and business degree) I was a single mum with two young boys trying to make it. What was there to be ashamed of?
We now no longer speak, he was cruel demanding and was utterly selfish. I was heart broken again.
I have had three bad marriages and now am in a situation where the person I live with totally ignores me. I ask for so little, I ask for friendship, compassion, and laughter. You would think that I was asking for the stars themselves.
I was born in this life to be alone, and it's killing me. I want to be held, and told that I mean somethin to someone. My family now lives in the US I live in the UK. My youngest son whom I adore is now in the Army we still talk often and I adore him. Here in this place I am a stranger, alone, and utterly lonely. As I get older I wonder what is the point of going on. I do it for no one, I have no one to help. no one to care for, and no one who cares for me. I know this all sounds horrible, I know the truth is I have much to offer. Yet the sadness of it all is that there is not one person I can point to and say is my true friend who needs me to be there for them. It seems so hopeless, doctors cant help. A little compassion would go a long way to giving me strength to live another 20 years.

Story shared: 10/07/2007 18:38:45

#169 View the comments about this story Tags: Lonely Always - Hopless Lass

Comments

#1 by gloucelady on 12/07/2007 17:16:12 (id-613).
Hi there, I hear you and I can understand how you feel because I also feel alone in this world too with no one to help me either but you must try to fight on with your life and not give up. You have had many bad things happen to you over the years and its not your fault. You just havent found true happiness in your life and feel unloved. I also feel the same. What you need to do is try to love yourself, dont worry if other people dont love you, learn to love yourself, you are a person worthy of love like other people, you deserve love and happiness, you are not alone, I am in the UK too.

#2 by Lonely Lass on 12/07/2007 20:02:00 (id-614).
Thank you so much for your kind words. Every day I make the face of happiness, and pretend everything okay while inside I feel pain. I can see other's suffer too and for me this is a real feeling I want to help them to make it stop for them too, just like I truly wish this for me. I am taking buddhist training to help me understand where these things come from. It just would be nice to have a real friend to talk to here in the UK where I have no family to call my own. I am too young to give up, and I won't. It's just that I feel like it sometimes. Working where I do I try to give kindness always even when others were cruel and just mean to each other. Thank you gloucelady if you wish to chat some more I will be happy to do so. Maybe we can help each other.

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True life stories.

All my life

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