True life stories.

i feel unwanted

well, here goes.... I am a 28year old woman with 2 lovely kids and a gr8 husband, but i cant get over myself, it seems i am on a path to self destruction, my last suicide attempt was 6years ago and i fear i will go down that path again. I have tried the anti depressants n the councellor thing but they didnt help. anyone who is reading this should know i have had a really unhappy childhood, my dad beat since i was very little, telling me how much he hated me, he would spit on me and do and say other degrading things to me, which ive never really understood why? what did i do to deserve this? The older i got, the more severe the beatings were... for example when i was 15 he literally smashed my face up... beacuse i came home from school smelling of smoke!! The only way i can explain how scared i got when he was angry is that i used to wet myself (or worse) with fear. I left home when i was 16, met my partner when i was19 then had my kids a few years after, but still my dad comes in and out my life abusing me mentally and sometimes physicaly,just a few weeks ago he smashed a bottle on my head resulting in 8 stitches, this time he will not get back into my life. this has left me with scars i dont think will ever be healed, i hate myself so much...the only thing keeping me on earth is my girls. i find it hard to talk to my husband about my feelings as i dont want him to think im losing it, and iv lost all my freinds as i am very withdrawn all the time. I want to be able to go out and enjoy myself and live my life to the max, but i cant even hold down a job. how can i help myself get over my unhappiness and move on? my heart cant take it much longer i am so alone.

Story shared: 23/06/2007 17:44:54

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#1 by x- Billie -x on 23/06/2007 20:05:23 (id-600).
Im so sorry about your childhood. Im in my teens and my dad drinks alot. I get scared when he is drunk sometimes and it isnt a nice feeling being afraid of you own dad where you should really feel safe around them. So I imagine it was much worse for you. I think when you came in and smelled of smoke and he hurt you was because he wanted to protect you. My dad would be so angry if I smoked because he knows its bad even though he does it but i dont understand why your dad would have hurt you all the other times. But your older now and your past all of that. your husband and kids are all you need right now. Dont look back at the past. Those times are gone and you cant go back so its good to look ahead at your future. Try talking to somebody close. Dont worry about what your husband might think if hes been with you all this time and he loves you he will be there. I know I wasnt much help but I just want you to know that your lucky to be here with a loving husband and 2 kids because I cant imagine myself in a good place where you are when im 28 so takecare of your husband and girls and yourself. xxxx

#2 by gloucelady on 23/06/2007 20:51:21 (id-601).
Hi there, I feel your pain. I have been in a similar situation myself except it was an ex boyfriend who used to hit me and spit on me and call me every name under the sun. I lived through it and survived it. The only advice I can give you is that its not your fault, you dont deserve this, this is wrong. It is abuse and you shouldnt tolerate it. Keep your dad out of your life for once and for all. Even move away if you have to. Dont feel embarrassed to tell your husband, he has two choices either to stick by you or go. Put your children first, live for your children and make sure they have a happy loving home and never ever have to go through what you have gone through. I also have trouble holding down jobs too. I take nerve tablets that have help me alot. I find it hard to concentrate and am also indecisive. Dont let this man beat you, you are too special for this. Just try to pity him, he is a weak man and a coward for hitting a lady, I wish you the best of luck xx

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i feel unwanted

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