lost kid
Hi my name is john and im going to share some personal stuff with you all, that I havent with others, I came from a broken home and was raised by an alcoholic mother I have one brother and a sister. We were pretty much on our own as our mother spent every day and night at the bar as we seen many guys come and go. I was one of those kids that got picked on because I didnt have cool clothes as I lived a poor life, their was times when me and my sister had to go and steal so our mom could have money to go to the bar. Their were a lot of times we got caught and by the time I was eight I had been caught staling nine times, I was then taken out of my moms house and put into a foster home, where all I did was rebel as I got into more trouble and went from one foster home to the next, by the age of seventeen I was in ten different foster homes, at the age of seventeen I got caught stealing and was sent to a boot camp for six months. when I was finished I was placed in a half way house where I stayed for six months from their well life got whose as I keep getting into trouble and staling.for it seemed to be all I new.I was place in prison for 4 to 25 years, why, well I ended robbing a store and was in a stolen car. I lead police on a high pursuit chase, and had stolen property in the car.so I count my blessing that all I got was 4 yearsthis is where I woke up. as I was in prison I got my GED ,finished up anger management, peer counseling and so fourth.did this all help.yes I was 19 when I went to prison 23 when I got out and I am now 35..I have been clean for 13 years, but my past catches up to me always I am a very angry person inside I ask myself everyday why, I am so ashamed of my past and who I am in effects everything I do in life. I have this loving person in my life but all I can do is push her away, It seems that every time I get happy I find a reason to get upset and start a fight with her so she will leave meshe is the best thing that has ever happened to me, so why am I so shallow to her. Am I afraid to commit to her, why does depression hurt so badly? People tell me I need to face my past and it may help. I have done counseling and that doesnt seem to help .I am afraid that my life has been taken from me because of my past, and who do I blame yes I could blame my mom but as I got older I knew what I was doing was wrong but yet I still did it .Im afraid I am going to be a grumpy lonely old man and I am going to lose this person in my life that has stuck by me through so much and know all i have done and yet loves me for me and yet I treat her so bad. She has so much strength in me and I am so scared I am going to let her down. We have a kid together and I want to be their for her, but I cant seem to open my heart. Can some one be as shallow as I am? I know that god is watching over me as he brought her to me as my angel, but I am afraid she will give up hope in me soon if I dont find a way to changeIt seem like I do good for a week then I am back to the depressed sorrow person that hates life and hates his self for who he became.I can never make up for lost time I love my life I love her family I just can never stay focused for I seem that she will leave as everyone else has in my past .IF anyone else has been where IM at I would love to hear your story and what helped you..sincerely john
Story shared: 03/06/2007 14:16:46
#159 View the comments about this story hope lost angry sad depressed life mad
Comments
My names David and I am so saddened by your story mate :( I can only begin to imagine what it must have been like trying to fend for yourself, I suffer from bullies and an alcoholic dad but it seems nothing compared with your childhood sir. I try my best to give people what I feel good advise but i am no qualified counselor so it may seem pointless what I say :(
You have a woman you love and who clearly loves you back and a kid aswell.
You have your own wonderful family and thats all you need. Make your family life successful because there is so much for you still out there, you are only 35 with a family, work on it. Make it work well, I am sure you are a great father. I am sure the rewards that come out of your new family life will be higher than you could ever have expected and that may even calm your anger down.
As for your past and the sins you have committed, the word is PAST, I know it must be difficult to forget sir but look what you have to look forward to. :D
You may not be a man of faith or that but try and go to your local parish and have confession. If your past is still in your head then just confess what you did, no one need ever know you went, I am confident that could help. Knowing in your mind that your sins have been lifted, it may make you feel that you have a brand new fresh start.
Just sit down and speak your mind to your love, what harm can it do? Be open and honest, because once she knows what you have been through then arguments may not occur so often, use could talk more about what is on your mind and not try run away from it through arguing.
Sorry sir that my advice and comments are not great. Sorry if none of it makes any sense, and sorry if you do not welcome any of my comments.
I really hope your family life will turn out for the better and you have a great life with them. Think about what I said about confession sir, it may just help :)
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