Lack of confidence
Hey Guys!!
Right this is kind of wierd but may help. I think my problem started back when I was in secondry school, I was quite a quiet pupil who never really mixed well and would sit on my own. I left school and went to college and found that quite difficult too, I would sit on my own and would wonder around during breaks while others went to the library and town. Things seemed to get better when I found a job. It wasn't the best job but I was working with a great bunch of people. Things were goin well untill my mother became really depressed, until it got so bad that she needed to be hospitalised and was diagnosed with bi pollar, she's getting well but its a slow process.
Work was going really well until I found out that one of the girls I worked with really liked me, which i was happy with but i'd never had a girlfriend and the furthest i'd ever been with any girl is kissing (i'm 23). I was happy to give it a go with her but she sensed that I was a bit uptight and kind of backed off. This made me feel worthless, I felt really annoyed and would beat myself up as I felt i'd blew it and this kind of thing doesn't happen offten. Things kind of hit rock bottom on my birthday when I went out with my mates from work. She came out aswell and hooked with another guy on my birthday. It took a while but I came to terms with it. She recently split with this guy and is single now. A couple of months ago we were at a party and she was extremely drunk and was hugging me all the time, made me feel I had a chance again but it turns out she likes me but is affraid i'll become to emotionally involved and just wants to stay friends, feel like i've blown it again!
Like i said i'm 23 and dont feel i have the most confidence and am starting to feel lower everyday. I've tried so many things to try and improve my confidence I joined the Teritoral Army thinking that would improve my confidence, didn't really work. I've tried self help books and even bought hypno tapes that improve confidence.... not confinced it works yet. I've also applied to join the police specials and got past the interview and recruitment test. Its something I want to do, but there is a little hope that it might improve self confidence but am i little scared it might dent my confidence even more. I just hope that i'm not suffering depression, as i'm well aware that its in the family.
Story shared: 09/05/2007 22:47:55
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