" I dont wanna die, but Im not keen on living either" < in need of help.
I live in the north east. Im a 15 year old female. Ive had problems ever since I moved here. but im only going to explain what is happening now. Im ill at the moment. ive been off school a few days. im ill because of school i think. I cant say that to my parents because they will think the only reason ive been off school is because I dont like it. well i dont but i still wanna go and get my corsework done its important to me but i cant because of people contantly tormenting me. I feel sick and dizzee and weak. especially when im in school and the horrible people are there. I am with my friends. thats good but when these people do things and say things to them aswell it makes me even angrier. I cant talk to my friends about this because they wont understand . they're always happy. which is good but i dont want to bring them down aswell. when I get home after I feel horrible. like when you get that awful feeling of dread after you hear bad news only all the time. I sometimes have shortness of breath for a few seconds and I feel like im panicing. sometimes my heart goes really fast for a moment which makes me feel uneasy. I dont know whats wrong with me. Im all paranoid even more at school now. I dont know why these people target at me. I guess it because im the quiet one. Ive even started thinking the worst now. I dont want to die yet because I wanna see what i can do when ive left school...me and my friends wana go touring to different countries, it would be great...but ive been seriously thinking about taking an overdose. Im close to doing it at the moment. its really hard to stop myself when i feel like that. I get really upset when i think about it because i dont want to upset my friends and family. I will leave a note for them. Im going to start writing it them ill make my big decision. Ive been wondering if antidepressants would help me. but i dont know how old you need to be for them to be perscribed to you. my parent would think im stupid if i said i wanted them anyway. Im not stupid and im not an exagerrating teenager. im just sick of being tormented, sick of being sad. I wish I could get home tutored. then I could be away from school to get well again and get my confidence back and be able to keep myself alive. but my parents wont let me do that i know they will think im stupid again. my uncle says theres only one year left it will fly buy. but every hour with those people in my class drags so much I end up counting the seconds until i can finally get away. Its stopping me getting my work done because im busy trying to control myself from running away...running home or even crying infront of everyone or fainting. maybe i should talk to an adult at school? but how would that help. I need help before i do something stupid. and if it is a mistake i cant go back on it when im gone.
Story shared: 30/04/2007 17:40:38
#142 View the comments about this story depressed - need help - cant decide
Comments
if i may may ask did something terrible happen to you in school that made you hate it soo much?. pray to god to heal you from it, because all that happens to us should leave us even more stronger
try getting some help maybe from am elder in your sch. also let your parent know about your feelings. you also visit a psychatrist for some counselling.
Your doctor my be able to help you with your feeling of anxiety you are having and maybe even try journaling to get these feelings out.
But don't suffer in silence.
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