So what is my story?
I have been struggling with my life for just over 31 years. More recently I am seeing friends getting married and starting families while I am still single. I have been getting tired of all the comments and have felt like the male Bridget Jones more and more. I am seeing everyone else around me be successful whilst I don’t really know what I want from my life yet. Am I too choosy? Am I too picky? Do I expect too much from life and should I just sit back and relax. The weeks are going by and I can’t believe we are already in July 2006. What happened and where did life go? Don’t get me wrong I am enjoying it most of the time however I would just like to have a little more direction, fun, success and contentment… However I know as well that I am just like most of you! Its life!!
Trying to put my story to pen and paper, or keypad and screen… is actually relatively difficult as I am trying to narrow down “a story” that I reckon I could go on for hours for. I will try however and the best way is for me to adopt the rules that are l laid down for all writers on this web site however for the purpose of me adding to this later I will just draw on aspects.
In terms of accomplishments - about three years ago I was fortunate enough to be part of an empowerment seminar where I walked on fire (well 2000 degrees of burning hot coals). I still always live my life and forget I did this actually, its cool to have done it! It gave me a huge sense of self awareness and that by focusing on my mind you can do something amazing, and so can your own body! This really encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and although I did not really take on board a lot of the ideals that were given to me here I genuinely believe that my life started to change from here.
After spending my whole life being unhappy with my weight I decided to take action. I went to a plastic surgeon in Harley Street for a consultation for liposuction. On my way home I felt a sense of relief that I was going to do something about my weight. At work the following day a property developer (I worked in Estate Agency) I knew well came into the office looking shattered and was sweating a lot. I asked him what he had been doing and he said that he was over with his personal trainer over the road. I thought that I would go over and see what it was all about and I saw a trainer who explained the ins and outs to me. Well this was it, do I spend money on a quick fix or do I spend it to help myself and educate myself about losing weight. I lost 3 stone in weight and am in better shape now than I had ever expected. I have since trained as a personal trainer in a bid to help others with their health and fitness goals.
I had a ‘different’ childhood and introduction to adulthood with a strict stepfather who proceeded to torment my family throughout his marriage to my mother and after they had divorced. I don’t want to go on too much about this as I will come back to this in another story but needless to say that myself and my siblings grew up quickly! I realized quickly how important my family are to me and we are a very close unit and very strong. I love then all very much nd it is for them that I dedicate this website too.
The most important transition that I have lived with is that I grew up without a father. He died in an accident when I was 4 years old, and for me it has always felt as though he was missing. I am very proud that I look exactly like him – although I have very few pictures. I feel proud of who he was and what he achieved, although would love to have just one conversation with him. I would love to know how he walked and how he talked. If he would ever get angry from something I did and how he might do it differently. I have learnt however that for me to know him is to live some parts of my life for him. Do something that would make him proud. Take care of my family and make sure that if any of them needed anything then I would be there. If I continue to do this then one day I know that I will meet him (even in my dreams) and he will put his arms around me and give me a hug. That’s it really, just a hug from my father would in some way make me complete.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my life and with what I have achieved so far but I guess that I could just as easily write in the same sentence that I am still struggling. I have never stopped wanting more. I would love to be in a relationship (watch this space…!). I would like to be as clear in my direction of life as everyone else seems to be.
My main focus on writing this web site is to tell people that they are not alone. We all get scared and we all read motivational books that give us hope and encouragement whatever our ‘fear’, yet somehow they don’t seem real, from real people, with real lives and real problems that are very translucent to them however very well hidden to the rest of the world. We spend our lives looking up to someone and others looking up to us. We are all the same and if you let others know your story then good for you.
This is unadulterated reality time… but judge me and others not! Empathize maybe but walk with me, definitely!
Christopher John
Story shared: 01/08/2006 21:56:27
#1 View the comments about this story Hope - Accomplishment - Weight Loss - Fitness - Childhood - Absent Parent
Comments
I was really overweight and lost 13 stone. Trouble is i am now been taken for granted and need to take stock of my life and realise what i do want in life. Well done for sharing this, as i do not find it as easy to do so
Life lived on the wrong side of side of the blanket, wrong colour side; wrong country; wrong language makes facing the horror of my own storey difficult for me ...your storey gives me a glimmer of hope.
What a wonderful idea this website is. Someone wise once said, it is the kindness of strangers that makes the world go round. You are a very kind stranger and I hope that through this site people may find kindness in strangers when they need it.
Blue x
My life changed dramatically a few years ago after I lost my Dad then my Mum in just 2½ years and I am still doing a lot of soul searching. I know I need guidance - just gotta get out there and find it!
Your story was inspirational - thank you!
i have a lot of the typical "common" causes to feel blue (no money, no valuable friends, overweight). in truth no particular tragedy or traumatic event has happened in my life but still, most of the time i have this overwhelming numbness, like a feeling of complete emptyness... which of course i'm arrogant enough to beleive nobody will ever understand... and so i sort of detach myself from everyone... and i feel so lonely.
i feel really, really lonely.
Its really nice to have read your story.
however I believe in some small tiny way, I may be able to help in terms of your destiny direction focus and long term goal/successes.
Interested?
Secondly read each comment and found very touching. Its strangley reasurring to know other people our feeling exactly the same. Like the person Em who simply wrote 'need a friend' its a basic instinct to need something or somebody, I personally needed (or thought I did) everything to extreme at different stages I just want to say a big hello to people brave enough to speak out on this website as a means of release. Each and everyone of you are beautiful.
You really are.
I BUILD UP AND BUILD UP AND BUILD UP IN TILL I EXPLODE. IVE TRYED IGNORING BUT I JUST CANT DO IT, IAM A 'RADGE' AS SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY. I ALSO GET BULLIED WHICH IZ WORSE I DO LIKE SCHOOL SOMETIMES BUT I DREAD GOING SOMEDAYS GRRR I GET SO UPSET HELP ME PLEASE IVE TRYED EVERY THING!!!111111
Life is beautiful and there are better days out there we just have to wait a little longer ,that is all
Wanted to say I'l post my story and post up help and comments where i can on this site, i have typed in so many times in the past "help me" into google and not found this site in the past. I think that what u done here for everyone that uses this is something that they'l always be truely gratefull for and it shows ur charater that you'd want to do somehing like this. I'l probably post a life story on here and i'l be looking to hopefully help some people out here myself. Thankyou for putting the effort into this idea
I'm lucky to know I have some wonderful friends and also don't always like to burden them with my sorrows, however that's how ture friends are made.... take time to listen to your own friends problems give them a break, they in return will lighten your sadness then everyone can benefit from the goodtime... there is nothing more valuable than having close friends you can love and trust and count one and nothing more wonderful to be able to love and trust and be counted on.
Me.. I was brought up in a unhappy family, my mother tried to love us (looked after us went through the motions) but couldn't really get past my fathers infidelities he had several long term affairs and she was never brave enough to leave (not until we had grown up). As a result we lived in an argumentative home where my dad left several times.
I craved love and attention and had a long relationship with my first boyfiend, who definately adored me. I became pregnant at 14 we went to the doctors to arrange an abortion.. I had to tell my parents but we never told his... I never got over that...I'm sorry for killing my baby boy and wish my parents had supported me. As I got older at the age of seventeen I wanted to start a family with my boyfriend who (probably wisely said we would but later when we were older)... I think I was so desperate to get back my child that I found it difficult, he never knew how sad it made me feel... I left him a year later and married a man I was besotted with.
I had 4 more lovely children but was made to feel guilty about them, despite being untrue I was constantly told I was useless, fat, untidy, bad mother. I worked full-time but was told I was lazy. After many years He had several affairs , I tried to kill myself because I couldn't bear the pain of being alone it didn't work.
I woke up and left. I still loved him, he wanted me back then physically attacked me... I'm still sadened by that. remember YOU LET YOURSELF BE TREATED THIS WAY. Don't hand that control to someone else...Don't ever asume your not worth a loving respectful person. Yes we are alone .. I still live alone I don't trust my own judgement but I do believe we must accept that we're not always incontrol of our life as part of the way to happiness.
People are kind you just need to know where to look. xxx
Anybody know any good jokes?!
I wish you all the success you portray and hope that you find time to love the person that I see from reading your story.
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I've done nothing in my life that I need to feel bad about and look forward to every day with the hope, but not expactation, that it will bring something new. Sometimes I'm surprised but rarely dissapointed.
I keep in good contact with my friends and family and we have fun.
I don't believe in any god and I'm sure that in the grand scheme of things very few of us affect the world greatly. That ain't what life's about but what effect are you having on the people around you?
Here in the UK the focus is on the negative, just look at the news, and I'm sure its easy to get dragged into that frame of mind but its just as easy to see the positive side. I see it every day.... And I love it!
Jane.
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